Separated from ea ex And need advice please

[Yayaboots]

Hi! I have posted before about my relationship and since then I have left with the children and am temporarily staying with my parents with the dcs.

I'm having to drive for an hour every day to drop the eldest at school and then I go to 'our'house until its time to collect him again. Far from ideal but we're managing ok.

I really want to try and arrange things amicably with my ex but he being really awkward and I'm nit sure how to respond.

We agreed he'd see dcs sun from 10 til 3 and we'd after school for a couple I hours (his choice). So this Sunday he picke dc up and I went out with my eldest dc. Suddenly at 2 we had a text to say he was on his way back. I calle to say we were out and he flipped and said well I'm I'll and I nee to drop him off now. I said we weren't home and he should have calle I lete know as I might not have seen text/be in etc. so he dropped him off and blanked me. (then went to work as normal the next day.

So this Wednesday the eldest (who is not his son) was supposed to be coming along today for dinner. Just for an hour as he is going on an activity outing onthe evening but has been invited to tea with his best friend and was so excited as he hasn't been bale to play there for ages because of our situation. So I called dh to ask if it would be ok/suggest another day and said of course I would still bring the youngest over. Again he went mad and said not to bother bringing either of them if I was going to be such s hypocrite changing plans. I suggested we move the day and he said he is now busy until Sunday. I'm sure he isn't really

Ugh I really want them to have a good relationship
But I find his behaviour so selfish.

Doesanyond have any experience of splitting up with an ea dh?

Sorry for all the typos...I hope it makes sense! :)

EA exes do NOT "try and arrange things amicably", or go along with your wishes to do so.

if they were capable of that, then they most likely would not be EA exes.

His game is control - that's all he's interested in, in the way he relates with you.

You are best advised to get a solicitor involved and get an official contact agreement in place.

Best wishes.

Yes I do.
Do not try to be flexible or reasonable with him.
Make a contact plan that suits you.
Stick to it- any flexibility must be arranged long in advance preferably by a recorded method (e.g. email).
Do not rely on him for any back-up child care- make your own arrangements.

You may want them to have a good relationship- but you have no control over that. It is for ex to make and maintain his relationship with his DC.

I think in any situation where you a dealing with an unreasonable person you cannot rely on amicable agreements because they will use & abuse them as a way to continue trying to make your life miserable. In a power-struggle you have to wheel out the big guns on your behalf. Means getting going with the divorce proceedings proper, having the access terms pinned down in black and white and not deviating from them, even if it causes you some inconvenience. Your right to peace of mind at the moment is more important than your children's right to have time with their father. His loss...