what would you do?

[annoyedwithmyhubby]

im in a dilemma here and basically annoyed with my hubby! i recently got some backdated tax credits ..god im so lucky that im actually getting spare money!! and id earmarked it to do work on our house ...ie new wardrobe doors ..cupboards to be built in sitting room etc.. today he announced he was going to pay for his parents[[aaargggh PIL) to come and visit..basically a £400 airline ticket !!out of what was my accoount and we needed to pay for our house to be done up which is an ongoing project!! hed allready said a couple of weeks ago he would pay for his parents to come over as he had enough money ..and now ..rant rant rant he says he wants to use it from my account as he has all the bills etc to pay..although i do pay as well!! hes annoyed because he says its OUR money so it doesnt matter yet he had a go at me today because i went shopping and bought clothes[not major spending in anyway] and says im always spending..only on things that we need .. im not extravagant in my shopping at all..which he knows anyway..he really annoys me that he can decide what the money should be spent on as though i havent got any say..does everyone thing im in the right or wrong here..? if we hadnt had the extra tax credits [which i stupidly told him about] he would have paid anyway and not batted an eyelid..yet when i suggested we use the money to go and visit them[hot country!] he said no it was too much money..i cant win..i feel like going out and ordering the sitting room cupboards and other jobs just to spite him even though they do need to be done anyway..hes controlling a bit like that sometimes and we have had heated discussions about this in the past and when i used to work and earn more than him it wasnt a problem on what i spent money on at all..but now im a sahm hes taking the p!ss! aaarrgh i need to rant..anyway hes gone out now and im left fumming and waiting for the kids to be in bed so we can argue it out...any thoughts?

so use the money in that account to pay for the tickets

and the money in his account to pay for the wardrobe etc

nice one twiglett..ill use that in my argument tonight..any other ideas..but am i in the right to my views on where the money should be spent? ie not on his parents..my parents have never been given money to do things and when i argued this he said of course he would pay for things for them ..which i know is not true..he says that they have money and arent overdrawn like his parents his mom is terrible for racking up huge bills and then taking out more loans to help clear them but that s another story!! but my parents dont have lots of money anyway .theyre just careful but cant afford to go on holiday etc so i should take money from his acc to treat them!!

bump????

please someone talk to me ...

is reasonable to pay for a holiday to go and see them. could you split the money? he could give his half to his parents and you can spend your half on what you want. if its not enough his parents can save up the rest of the amount

but hes paying for them to come here which is cheaper than us going there,but i get annoyed i suppose because him mother is appalling with money and then comes crying asking her only son to help her out which weve done in the past but even he has said he doesnt trust her with money anymore!!! and actually said he`s refusing to clear her debts as she cant stop racking them up.. because she knows dh will help her out and i dont particularly like the woman anyway ..she hasnt been very pleasant to me in the past!!

you are quite within your rights to say you dont want to give your money away, and i dont see the difference between paying off her debts and paying for her holiday - except that paying off debts is the more sensible option! i wouldnt be happy about it, but can also see his pov that its as much his as yours.

If your dh believes, as he says he does, that the money in your account belongs to both of you then it should also follow that the money in his account also belongs to both of you. In that case neither of you should get to decide unilaterally how the money is spent. It should be a joint decision.

So, you had both agreed (grudgingly or otherwise :)) that money in dh's account should be used to pay for his parents to visit. Your dh should stick to that agreement if he still wants his parents to come over.

By the same token you should both come to an agreement about how to spend the backdated tax credits. As a compromise perhaps half could go on the DIY/decorating things that you need and half could go on something else to be agreed on by both of you.