Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I honestly don't know what to do anymore...

8 replies

HannahFrances · 27/06/2012 09:29

My son is now 19 months old, and sinc ei found out i was pregnant his Dad hasn't really been around. We split up almost the instant i found out i was pregnant. I was quite happy with it, as i didn't want us to stay together just because we were having a baby. After my son was born i started seeing someone i had known for quite a while, we ended up dating for you and then i fell pregnant. I was extremly worried as he really doesn't like or want children (i know, he shouldn't be dating someone with a child...ill get on to that haha) when it old him he said 'i'm sorry i can't be a Dad, i never want to be. I love you, but i just can't.' I feel so horribly alone, it came down to a horrible and unthinkable choice. I had to try and choose wether to have a termination to keep my partner, or keep the baby at the risk of never seeing him again. A few days later i actually miscarried, and it broke my heart. I think i would have chosen to keep the baby. When i told my partner he was lovely and looked after me but i was sort of angry at him. I couldn't get past the fact he was just going to walk out of my life. I really love him, almost too much, but i know we shouldn't have been together. He doesn't have much to do with my son, he doesn't mind him but he is just so clueless when it comes to children and has no interest in being around them. We decided it would be best to break up, i said he had to either start building a relationship with my son or we ouldn't stay together. It totally broke my heart, it was the hardest thing to hear and i couldn't stop crying. We have stayed amazing friends and we talk so ofter, but everytime i see him i just was to cry. I want to get over him, and i don't know if i can do that with him in my life still...but the idea of not seeing him, not talking to him is horrifying. I don't know what to do. I have probably painted quite a bad picture of him, he honestly is the most caring and wonderful guy i have ever met, it just happens to be he has an almost fear of children. I don't know what to do, if it's best to not see and talk to him anymore and move on with my life, but feel the horrible pain everytime i want to talk to him knowing i can't. Or, i could try staying friends with him knowing one day he'll start seeing someone else, and that even until then everytime i say goodbye to him it physically hurts. I know this all sounds pathetic, please don't judge me...i'm just so lost.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/06/2012 09:36

It sounds like what you fear most is being independent and alone and that's colouring your judgement. The boyfriend is clearly not ready for a partner and child , no matter how much you like them. I'm guessing everyone in this story is pretty young?

You will get over him in time and that time is your opportunity to grasp independence with both hands, get to know your DS, get to know yourself, make friends, develop as a person and build a fulfilling life that doesn't require a man to make it complete. If you do this, you will be more fussy about who you want to share your and your DS's life with.... and that will mean you make better choices.

squeakytoy · 27/06/2012 10:29

I agree with Cogito that you sound quite young. You need to concentrate on your child for the moment, and use contraception too!!

MissFaversam · 27/06/2012 10:34

OP what's the point in staying "friends" with someone you don't want to just be "friends" with. Far too much pain. Cut contact.

GemsAngels · 27/06/2012 10:39

You must ask yourself what is so wonderful about this guy that you cant seem to live without.
I would suggest cutting all contacts with this guy. It makes things less painful and you can start to move on and find a guy that truly loves you and your DS.
Be strong it gets easier :)

Alurkatsoftplay · 27/06/2012 10:44

It's best not to see him. He doesn't want children. You have a child. That's not going to change.
Have you friends and family you can lean on?

bleedingheart · 27/06/2012 11:01

Every time you see him it's going to hurt. You can't get over him if you keep seeing him. You need to rip the plaster off in one go. You will stop needing/wanting to speak to him if you go cold turkey but if you keep in touch you won't move on. He doesn't want to be a father figure but you are a mother so you are unlikely to find happiness here.

Take care of yourself, there will be someone who does recognise how fab you are and how lovely your son is.

Please do use contraception! Protect yourself x

dondon33 · 27/06/2012 11:19

Words of wisdom from Cogito, some very good advice there hannah.

Also what missF said - no good will come from staying friends with this guy, only heartache. Detach yourself from him, he obviously doesn't want/can't commit to you 100%. You don't need that. Concentrate on yourself and your son for now.
And yes a big must is to protect yourself, when you're ready for more children, hopefully you'll have found a guy that loves you and your son.
Take care xxx

bananacrepe · 27/06/2012 11:21

Visit www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/. Some very useful stuff on there.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread