Heartburn

[Triffiddealer]

I'm not sure if this should be in another section (book club?) or not, but Nora Ephron died today (she wrote Sleepless in Seattle and Harry met Sally).

She also wrote a book called Heartburn, about her then husband's affair -her husband (stbx) was Carl Bernstein, the Watergate reporter who was having an affair with a British diplomat.

I remember reading it years ago, when I found out about my H's affair. It was a joy to read, poignant, heartfelt and actually had me laughing when nothing else could make me smile. So instead of Shirley Glass or whoever else is recommended (and nothing against those authors) I really want to recommend Heartburn to all those women who discover they have been or are being cheated on.

There is one moment I clearly remember, when the heroine talks to an older, wiser friend about what her life has become - the spying, the mistrust, the hurt - and her friend keeps drawing her back to her own needs - she just keeps asking her, very gently:

"Do you want to spend your life with a man who treats you like that?"

The answer is obviously NO.

In real life she left her cheating husband (who threatened to sue over the book, but never did) and found happiness with her third husband of over 20 years, who survives her.

I know we aren't all best-selling screenwriters/novellists, and I know we won't all meet the man of our dreams or necessarily be married for the rest of our lives - but I remember this book as a ray of hope in the dark, and if you are in that dark place now - please read it.

OK - public service announcement over.

I love Nora Ephron and I love Heartburn - I'm glad it helped you. She was much more than a romcom writer - very thoughtful, intelligent and talented.

RIP

Ah Dr, I'm so glad you replied - thought the thread was going to die.

I really want women going through the hell of their partner's affair to read the book. It is so fantastically written, so funny and so true - and it speaks to you in a way that self-help manuals never can.

Reading all the obituaries today, she sounds like such an amazing woman (the sort you'd love to be your friend).

And on a positive note, it took her 3 husbands to find a stayer, so I've got a couple more chances to get it right.

I came on to search for a place to talk about Nora Ephron and found it!

I am very sad about it - I sort of always felt she was a friend of mine too. I must get another copy of Heartburn - lost mine in various moves - always good for when you need resilience and humour.

And I like your thinking re your next shot at a lovely partner. I think she got there

She was such a good friend to me that she even wrote specifically about my STBXH (see below)

Beware of men who cry. It's true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own.

Will start re-reading Heartburn again tonight in the bath (bugger must do some work now).

yes and I really like her saying or quote not sure "be the heroine of your own story and not it's victim"

I loved the film too - with Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep - the theme tune "coming around again" by Carly Simon...

Would this be a good book if you're staying with your partner? Love a good read and I've read the Shirley Glass book which really has helped me to try and understand what made dp do what he did and how we get beyond that.

Heartburn was one of the most memorable films I've ever seen. I think it was the first film I saw that made me realise there was a good chance it wasn't all going to be Happy Ever After. A good lesson to learn quite early on I think.

I was sad to read she had died, she had certainly had quite an impact on me and my perceptions of marital relationships.

Looksgood - well it's a brilliant book. It describes the awful gut wrenching realisation that you are being cheated on perfectly, without getting maudlin and self-pitying. And it will make you laugh. So I would recommend it on that count.

If you are getting back with your partner and are absolutely sure that's what you want, then by all means read the book. If you are getting back with him because of 'the kids' or some other reason, I think it will make you really

I felt great sorrow on learning of Nora Ephron 's death - 71 is no great age these days. It's such a shame. I so enjoyed reading her blog in the Huff Post - the world has lost another warm, witty, and wise, woman

FWIW, Heartburn is a thinly disguised account of Nora's rl marriage to Carl Bernstein (of Watergate fame). Having an infant ds, and while pg with their second ds, Nora discovered that her h had been playing away with one of their mutual friends.

The mutual friend was Margaret Jay (otherwise known as Big Feet ), daughter of the then British prime minister James Callaghan and wife of Peter Jay who, at that time, was British Ambassador to Washington DC... the Labour Party have long been enthusiastic supporters of nepotiism.

Here's to Nora - champion of women and a champion among women.

thankyou for starting this thread and RIP Nora what a fantastic writer very sorry to hear of her death.
have you all read 'I feel bad about my neck'? just such a lovely and funny book

I read 'I feel bad about my neck' and suddenly last year I knew exactly what she was talking about.

She described the other woman (Margaret Jay) as having a nose as long as a thumb. I always think of that when I see MJ on tv or on some committee or other.

Revenge is a dish best served cold writing a best selling novel which exposes the moral laxness of one's enemies

It was rumoured that Carl was going to sue for defamation. But he didn't.. I don't wonder why?

FIL was at Oxford with Peter jay and couldn't stand him! Knowing that made me regard Margaret with slightly more sympathy but Hell, I would have picked Norah any day!

Thanks for that link. I love her. Going to have a too in her honour and get ordering on Amazon, as haven't read the neck book.

I love that revenge wasn't just the best-selling and fantastic book - but the happy and mega successful life she went on to lead. Gives us all hope.