Is this an alcohol problem? What should I do?

[goandshowdaddy]

DH and I have always enjoyed a good drink when we go out, though now we've had children it's a less common occurence.

Recently, DH has taken to drinking more and more at home in the evening and, in the last few weeks, has taken to drinking at home every night at least 3 or 4 cans of lager and a bottle of wine, sometimes more. The last few nights has been 3 or 4 glass bottles of cider plus wine. I think this is far too much and have said several times that I'm worried about his drinking and he agrees that it's too much but it doesn't seem to stop him. He said he was going to stop after last night when I had a go at him again this morning but has gone out to the pub tonight (driving so hopefully won't drink).

He usually buys a pack of lager or cider for him and a bottle of wine for me but I usually only drink one glass of the wine and if I don't hide the rest of the bottle (yes, I've taken to doing this sometimes) he'll drink it, every time, without fail.

This used to only happen on a Friday or Saturday but I've noticed it happening more and more.

I don't know what to do or say to him. I've tried saying I'm worried about his health. He says he'll stop. Is this a drink problem? Am I in denial?!

I think my point is, drinking in the morning is not necessarily the worst case scenario. You can have a nightmare time living with an alcoholic who only drinks after work (but has 2 bottles of vodka then) and becomes an abusive, incontinent mess

A lot of people have a thing in their heads that it's not a problem as they're not drinking in the morning - goes with the common perception of an alcoholic as someone living in a gutter drinking meths out of a brown paper bag. People with drinking problems hold onto almost any straw to prove that they don't have a problem really and don't actually need to stop. It also puts people off going to AA because they think that everyone is going to be 'freaks' whereas, whilst a lot of members have major problems, the majority are just 'normal' people who you would be friends with in normal life.

Anyway, I know what you mean, was just slightly concerned that someone might read it and think 'I'm ok then'.

When I first tackled myg ex h about his excessive drinking 6 years ago, he promptly stopped, or so I thought. What actually happened is that he drank in secret, and managed to hide it from me for some time. Problem drinkers will go to enormous lengths to deny/hide their drinking.

Not being abusive, or nasty, or homeless old jobless means nothing. My ex was perfectly lovely but drunk for the first 5 years of his drinking. He has lost everything now, of course, including his car, family and friends. It is an awful illness and I urge you to seek real life support if this continues to be a problem.

You can have a nightmare living with an alcoholic who drinks only in the evening, only a few times a week, only 6-8 pints. . It is not so much the quantity of alcohol or frequency, as the effect it has on their lives and family.

Yup, the way to look at it is how does it affect the family? If the addict/alcoholic is non-abusive and the family budget can afford to maintain the addiction then actually it's OK. For a while. And it may never become not OK: the person may decide that s/he is fed up with feeling ill/being dependent on a substance and just stop consuming it. Or the person may continue to consume the addictive substance to the point where it does start having a negative effect on everyone else. That's the point at which you (hypothetical, general 'you') ask the addict to stop, and inform the addict of the consequences of not stopping: you will leave/put the addict out of the house. The addict may then stop, or may choose not to stop, at which point you need to follow through - either leave, or evict the addict.

Also, alcoholism is 'a family disease'. It is affecting his family, as you are on here writing about it. It affects children, they are 7 times more likely to become alcoholics if they have an alcoholic parent. 2.6 million children live in a household with an alcoholic adult. There was a report by Addaction earlier this year with these stats in them. The spouse of an alcoholic tends to have as denial about the problem much like the alcoholic. And in my own words, living with that makes you go crazy (that bit is not in the report). Living with alcoholism can be living with insanity. Unless you get the support you need to learn to cope. I have met people at Al Anon who have learnt to live with their alcoholic very comfortably, by going to meetings and having somewhere to talk.

Oh I am (and remain) totally driven insane by the alcoholic in my life. I rue the day I ever met him. Have we scared you off, OP?