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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dh told me our relationship is dead!

15 replies

amouse · 27/02/2006 15:08

I have to say I agree but to put it so bluntly and not even wanting to talk about it has shocked me.
He said I should pay half for everything (i already pay half the mortgage, all the council tax, tv licence, internet, phone, sky tv, my car tax and insurance) and if I didnt like it then I knew where the door was Sad
He is becoming increasingly lazy and wont help with the house or children, my parents have just visited and were shocked at how lazy he had become.
He left for a few hours, came back went into spare bed and hasnt spoken to me since.
How can I talk to him without loosing my temper and doing that thing where you say 'you dont do this and you dont do that'.
I want our relationship to change or there really is no point in carrying on Sad

OP posts:
Mytwopenceworth · 27/02/2006 15:12

do you want to try to fix it? it doesnt sound like he does? if not, do you want to continue to share the house, or to go your seperate ways?

Beetroot · 27/02/2006 15:13

Blimey. It does not soudn like he wants it to change amouse.

I think yu need a third party with you inorder to discuss this matter. I woud lbook relate pronto. and in the mean time, perhpas he can see what it is like, not having dinner cooked, clothes washed etc

Original poster
amouse · 27/02/2006 15:19

I would like to try and fix it because I do love him and I really believe in my marriage vows. I dont know what he wants because he hasnt spoken to me. My friend thinks we should try relate but dh is such a mans man that I dont think he would talk to a 'stranger' about our relationship.
There are lots of problems, he doesnt support me in anything, doesnt help with the kids, we dont have sex because I'm too tired from working and then sorting the children out but he cant understand this, i dont like his family and they dont offer any support either.
But I like my house, and the money we have and I dont want to go down from that (hope that doesnt sound bad), i want the children to grow up in a secure home environment but this looks increasingly unlikely.
On the plus side he works hard, earns good money, doesnt sleep with other women, doesnt drink and doesnt hit me. Is this enough??

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 27/02/2006 15:23

I think you need help to understand what has gone wrong

he sounds as though he intends to freeze you out, has it come out of the blue

Original poster
amouse · 27/02/2006 15:25

yes I suppose it has, although its very true, we cannot go on like this but that doesnt mean I want to rush of to the solicitors for a divorce.
I just didnt expect him to start screaming at me about money and then storm out of the house

OP posts:
chapsmum · 27/02/2006 15:26

sorry to interupt, but Mytwopenceworth
\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1375&threadid=150424&stamp=060227152033\I'm over here!}

LadySherlockofLGJ · 27/02/2006 15:29

He sounds depressed.

quanglewangle · 27/02/2006 15:34

Well, I think you both have to want to make things better otherwise it won't happen. And from what you say,it seems that won't happen on its own, but might with another party involved, like Relate. If he can be persuaded.

Sounds like you already pay more your fair share (if not more). What proportion of expenses do you think you contribute at the moment?

And yes, he does sound depressed. But isthat is cause or effect of the situation?

Original poster
amouse · 27/02/2006 20:53

well i've spoken to him and told him I want to make our marriage work but accept that things have to change both sides.
He said he doesnt know if he wants to try Sad and that he'll think about what I said.
Other than that he said I can either buy him out (no chance) or we can sell the house. Oh and he said he's taking the kids with him Shock

OP posts:
RedRidingHood · 27/02/2006 20:57

Contact Citizens Advice - Housing Office etc just in case - it won't hurt to know just what you are entitled to.

Original poster
amouse · 27/02/2006 21:03

does anyone know what I'd be entitled to in a divorce (shudder dont even want to think about it).
Would I just get half what we've made on the house?

OP posts:
WideAwake · 27/02/2006 21:12

Have heard of this kind of thing before.. usually fom approaching mid life blokes on a good wage who suddenly wonder why they shouldn't be single and spending their time and money on themselves. Sounds like he's already made his decision and he wants you to act on it so he looks good for the divorce.

Original poster
amouse · 27/02/2006 21:15

thanks for that blunt resposne.
What do you mean look good for the divorce?

OP posts:
Beetroot · 27/02/2006 22:43

If you leave then he can say you were the one who wanted out.

If he wants out then let him go, don't leave the mrital home.

Go to CAB asap or find a lawyer

anniemac · 28/02/2006 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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