Moving out

[NeverCleverLand]

Some of you might remember my previous thread about being unhappy at FIL's house (I had it removed as I realised there were too many identifiable details) Thank you all for your advice, we're moving Saturday!

DH is on board, although disappointed that we won't be saving as much money (we'll still be saving more than before we moved). FIL, however, is not taking it well. I work in the evenings and he tells my DH that he shouldn't let me 'trick' him into moving out. I moved here thinking we'd be moving out and renting a lot quicker than we did. FIL while I think is a good man, is difficult to live with and, sadly, lonely.

I wanted to clear the air with him as I do appreciate him letting us live here and let him know that he wasn't the reason we were leaving (even though he sort of is) He went beserk, saying it was a slap in the face, that we'll never get out of this renting trap, that we're idiots. DH won't be getting anything from him anymore.

I feel awful. I don't know were he got the impression that us living here was going to be more of a permanent arrangement. I don't want DH to fall out with his father (even though at this point I could quite happily never see him again).

I would say hes emotionally abusive (as would MIL). The way he talks to me is awful and the way he lives makes it impossible for us to live as a family in this house. Its too far away and we don't drive. I've never been more unhappy then I am living here.

But I suppose I'm upset really because in a way he's right. If we stayed here we could save up quicker, which while not mattering to me, matters to DH, though he says he knows we'll be happier in new house. I feel like I'm being selfish and not making the right sacrifices for my family and I'm just an awful shit person Every day feels like such a struggle at the moment.

Thanks for reading

You're not the 'awful shit person' here and the sooner you're out of your FIL's house the better, honey.

Even if you'd stuck around and saved up enough to buy a house outright, your FIL would still kick off when you announced your intention to leave and he'd probably be asking for a goodly portion of your savings for back rent.

He's an emotionally abusive controller and all his insults and bluster are because he wouldn't want anyone to be able to leave him with good conscience, but there's no reason why you should feel guilty for wanting to live in your own home with your dh and baby.

Don't worry about this storm in a teacup. Your FIL will soon latch on to another imagined wrong to rant about . Should he get fixated and continues to rant about your move forevermore, console yourself with the thought that you spared him the bother of finding another great injustice to hang his hat on.

My money's on you feeling infinitely better about everything once you're in your own home again. Do please come back here when you're settled and prove me right

I think his reaction proves to you that you are right to move out. All the money in the world can't compensate for living somewhere you don't want to be, especially with an old man that thinks nothing of upsetting you and treating you like a skivvy. Don't blight your life or your relationship with your DH for the sake of a few quid. You'll all get along much better when you have a place of your own.

In an ideal world, yes you could have stayed there and saved up more money than if you rent.

BUT that's not what is happening is it? And you are dealing with it.

I'd just keep my head down and let the dust settle and invite him over when you are settled. Things will get back to normal.

One qs tho - is your husband in agreement that the current situation is not happy and while it is a shame that you won't save as much now, it has to be this way?

Thanks all!

izzyisin what you've said is just what this side of the family have said. once we're gone its like it never happened!

cogitoergosometimes thanks and thanks for all your advice on the last thread. Its confirming what I know deep down.

somethingtosay pretty much yes. His dad pretty much worships DH and out of everyone DH spends the least time with him (his brothers work on the family business with FIL) so he doesn't see the worst of it, but he knows its bad for me. He would of been happy to stay if I was happy, but knowing how I feel, knows we have to leave. which I suppose makes it harder as it feels like its all for me, but he does agree it will be better for us in general

I also think he's looking forward to having our own space again. Feels like our live just been on hold for the last 6 months, having to work round someone else, who tries to control a lot of what we do (thought me taking DS to soft play is a waste of money and things like that)