Tell me I'm being crazy

[amicrazy]

Please help, I feel like I'm going insane.

Me and DP have been together 3 years, relationship is normally great although we, like most, have had our ups and downs.

Recently I have been feeling anxious that he is going to cheat/been cheating on me. I can't really explain why without sounding crazy, but little tiny things keep throwing the idea back into my mind.

The other weekend I was away, he had friends round and they went on a night out. When I got back there was a womens clothes hanger in the bathroom. He said he has no idea where is came from. His friends got ready at our house but there is no reason why they would have brought a womens clothes hanger with them.

There is no way it's mine - I have never shopped in the store where it came from.

He also came home yesterday and got undressed in the bathroom, and when I went in to brush my teeth there were long black hairs in the sink - we are both blonde.

Are these two events things I should just brush aside? Feel like I'm going crazy focussing on two 'small' things when there aren't really any other signs :(

Can't explain the hairs...but most men I know do put their nice shirts on clothes hangers...and I'm not sure what the difference is between a woman and a man's clothes hanger...

However, I should also point out that I'm a big fan of "trust your gut" in these situations. If he's been acting weird, then call him on it.

This clothes hanger was baby pink - per una. Defintaley not from a man's shop!

I know that it is likely his friends brought their clothes on hangers but just seems so odd that it would be the baby pink one...

Hanger could have been left by friends. The hairs need an answer. Trust your gut instinct.

Is it possible that it belonged to one of the friends wives or girlfriends? But ya. hairs need an answer.

Just watch him closely for awhile and if the strange behavior continues, call him on it.

Also, OP, are you sure there are no other signs? Often there are things that have been overlooked.

Yes, the hanger can be easily explained away but PERUNA? shudder but finding the black hairs in the sink would bother me I think.

Not much you can pin on him yet though, but if it's niggling you all you can do is keep aware but try not to let it eat away at you in the meantime.

What are some other signs of cheating? He isn't particularly secretive with his phone - but I think if someone was messaging him he would delete them anyway.

He is very loving and attentive in our relationship - no change there.

Not sure what else to look out for?

Sometimes in the initial stages they get more attentive/loving/want more sex. Listen to new music, develop new interests, talk about 'new' friends you have never met, start taking more of an interest in their appearance, this list is endless really, just anything odd or out of the blue really.

The two big signs for me were: Talking about the other person (a co-worker) ALL the time (and being defensive of her if I made a joke about her), staying out later and suddenly caring more about his appearance.

One of mine was the hair, twice found blonde hair in the car, none of us have blonde hair. Started 'working out', he even got me to buy him anti-wrinkle cream! The first time I ever googled 'the signs of cheating', I was shocked at the biggest sign.....the fact of actually having to ask in the first place.

Could the hairs have been left in the sink over the weekend and you only noticed them the next day?

The hanger - no big deal
The hairs - does one of his mates have long hair?

Could be there was a girl with them, maybe someone one of his mates picked up and he didn't want to tell you?

I would have pulled the hairs out of the sink OP and said "Oh yeah, who's are these then"

The hairs appeared last night after he had been out all day with his friend. I cleaned the bathroom yesterday afternoon and the weren't there then.

I did ask him about them and he said he didn't know where they came from - same as the hanger.

I have spoken to him about my concerns that he is cheating and he is understanding and supportive at first (ex DP cheated on me and he knows about everything I went through there), but when I won't let things drop he gets defensive and angry. I have mentioned it a few times since the hanger appeared because I just can't get it out of my head.

Could be that past experience understandably has you on high alert.

The hairs are a concern if they just suddenly appeared and there is no explanation.

It would concern me that he got defensive and angry.

What happened in your previous situ? A lot of cheaters follow the script so it may be that you recognise a pattern?

Ex P started to get very secretive with his phone and would keep it on silent/ hide it at all times. DP isn't doing that so not really following the same pattern....

DP has some anger issues anyway so tends to get deffensive and angry whenever he feels he is being 'attacked'.

He has always gone to the gym so no changes with that either.

Then just keep an eye on the situ OP, but you're not crazy

I get a bit cross when accused of something I haven't done as well OP.

Thanks ladies. Part of me thinks it's my crazy paranoia left over from what ex P did that is making me feel this way, and then the other half of me feels like I'm being naive and that he could be two completely different people (the one that is lovely and attentive and says he would never hurt me vs the person he is when he isn't with me).

I have what you'd call a ladies hanger - its padded velvet! Its the first one to be chosen as it would hang a garment without getting poke holes in the shoulders!!! So that wouldn't bother me and I'd assume one of his friends bought it and left it behind. The hair otoh......mind you these things do happen.

Tbh OP, I would be annoyed if dh questioned me about those incidents. Dh has plenty of clothes on my hangars. And mine on his. I can't be arsed sort male from female.
The hairs on their own (because tbh I am discounting the peruna incident for replying purposes) wouldn't worry me. They could have come from anywhere.
This isn't to say that I think you are mad. Are there other indicators? Hiding his phone etc. If not I think you need to sit back and just keep an eye out.
The problem is that questioning about things like this could ruin your relationship and he very well might be innocent.
To me, from what you have said i think (understandably) your past is making you nervous. Have you ever really dealt with that issue. I would try and trust he is the man you think. I know its not that easy. But do you think he is worthy of the risk?

If you really suspect him then stop telling him you suspect for a while. Will be easier to catch him out if he's not on red alert to your suspicions and he'll make a mistake sooner or later. I think the hanger probably belonged to his friends if they brought clothes with them on hangers then that's a good enough explanation. Guys probably not that bothered what make of hanger they are using. Hairs - dunno. Are you sure they were not from the friends too? Do you have suspicions beyond this?