Hello, I'm new and need some advice.
I was wondering how it happens that other people seem to meet someone special, settle down and start a family, basically, I'm wondering what I'm doing wrong and why isn't it happening for me?
I'm in my early 40s, so leaving things really late, I know. Quite a lot of my friends, acquaintances and colleagues have had children over the past ten years, and I'm wondering how people make that transition.
I must admit, I'd kind of given up on the idea over the past couple of years (due to gynae problems and possible fertility problems relating to fibroids and low ovarian reserve) and I'd just resigned myself to enjoying being single and having 'fun' ;)
Except in the past month, something weird happened, which made me think: "Hang on! What am I, the booty call queen?" It's been a bit of a wake up call that three old flames/former flings have popped up within a period of a couple of weeks, and they seem to be expecting to be able to pick up where they left off. I've gone along with it in the past. I've never been demanding or high maintenance, I've tended to be very laid back and take things as they come.
If they'd contacted me a few months apart, I probably wouldn't have been taken aback, and over the years it's seemed a bit fun and exciting to have these intermittent liaisons as we've all criss-crossed the globe for work and play, but the fact that they randomly contacted me within a short period has made me sit up and think: "Oh. Is this how guys see me? I'm all right for fun, but none of them actually wants a relationship with me?"
I had some longer term relationships in my twenties, lasting a couple of years each, and I was engaged and trying to start a family in my early thirties till my fiance cheated on me. Since then I've mostly had short term flings and no one seems interested in a relationship, although I admit for a long time I wasn't ready for a relationsship. And now I think my age definitely has something to do with it, I fear guys simply aren't interested in having a relationship with someone who is 'past their sell by date' in fertility terms. I do occasionally get some interest from guys who aren't these old flames/flings, but they tend to be guys who are a few years younger than me (I look younger than I am), and I think they're then put off when they find out how old I am. Or I tried joining an internet dating site after a friend recommended it, but I don't get much interest, and guys who contact me tend to be older and not interested in having children at all, or they're divorced with kids and don't want any more, and I'm still wanting to at least try.
So I'm wondering is this it? Am I destined to be viewed as a f*buddy for old flames/flings and nothing more? Like I said, I had a few long term relationships a long time ago, but since I split up with my fiance about a decade ago, I've had short-lived flings lasting from a date or two to about three months, nothing longer than that. And while I've been okay with being single, to an extent, because I'm quite self-sufficient, now I'm thinking I'd really like to be in a relationship and to settle down, but how do I make that clear to men without coming across as a needy woman with a biological clock ticking away really loudly who is desperate for a baby? I'm not. One of the reasons it hasn't happened, I think, is because I haven't been like that, I've always wanted to wait for the right man, and if I don't meet him, then I don't want to have children with the wrong man just for the sake of having children.
Has anyone else been feeling that it's all futile and feeling resigned to being single for the rest of their lives, before meeting someone and settling down in their forties? Is there any hope for me?