Feel desperate and like I can't cope-will it get better??

[polkadotsock]

I can't really tell anyone about this in real life so I hope it is ok if I post this here, I hope someone might have experienced similar and come out the other side.

I had severe PND after my son was born 9 mths ago, I don't know what happened as I had tried for him for 2 years and I was desperate for a baby and thought I would be a good mum. I just couldn't cope, wanted to escape and became suicidal and ended up being hospitalised where I was put on the ADs that I'm still on.

During this my partner and I have separated. I made him go as I couldn't handle caring about him and the baby. He has some problems, I have always been the strong one and looked after him but I just don't have it in me any more.

I love him but am also resentful as he has never took and active role in caring for our DS but insists that he has. Our issues are long standing and I believed they would be healed by having a baby. Incredibly stupid I know.

I struggle every day, every morning I just want to put my head under the covers and sob but I get up and try to be ok for my DS. I have got a lot of physical pain and he is a heavy baby, sometimes my knees and back hurt so much I could cry.

I just feel so alone and like my life will never be ok again. I want me and my partner and my son to all be together but I think I have ruined it all. Have had an awful day today, just thinking one day I will be dead and at least I won't have to live knowing I'm a terrible mother. I just want to be happy but don't know how to get there. I just feel broken.

Do other people feel like they can't cope with the responsibility and pressure of a baby? Does it get easier?

How can I care for my partner and baby at the same time?

Thanks if you have read this far, it has helped me just to write it down.

so sorry you are feeling like this. I think you need to talk to your health visitor or local childrens centre if you have one as they can provide you with more help and support. maybe talk to your doctor too as they might want to change your medication possibly?

can you talk to your partner and ask him to help out more?

I really hope you start to feel better soon. Some lovely people will be along with better advice soon I am sure. Keep posting and you will get support here xx

It does get better, you are a good mum, you need to look after yourself so you can be strong for your baby. It sounds as you may need a bit of help and go and speak to someone no woman is an island we all need some help from time to time. You have started the ball rolling by recognising you are feeling this way. Good luck you are not alone, you can always talk on here or see where your local mumsnetters meet.

If you think about what both your mind and body have gone through - nine months is nothing. I know it must feel like a lifetime to you right now, but it really is early days. You've taken a hammering, physically and mentally, and while you will get better and feel yourself again, and yes it definitely does get easier, you need to get yourself some more help to see you through until then.

Go back to your GP and be honest. Tell him/her what you've said here. And talk to your DP - you've been the strong one in the past, and now you need him to be strong. He may surprise you - but he'll need all the facts.

I completely fell apart after the baby was born and I know that there is?nt any help really.

I have been completely honest with my GP, HV etc and just meet a brick wall.

I saw a perinatal psychiatrist who basically said he could?nt help me, he referred me to the hospital but I was discharged from his care after leaving. He put me on medication which made me worse and the hospital said I should never have been on it. I don't want to see this dr again.

My GP says it is outside of their remit and they can?t refer me to anyone else. I think the antidepressants help a bit as I?m not as bad as I was.

I have spoken to health visitors and all sorts of people really but when I tell them how I feel they just say I have got to let time pass and it will get better. But is this true?

My partner is fully aware of how I feel, he either can?t or won?t give me the support I need so I am on my own.

Thanks for all your replies.

I can't understand why no-one appears to be helping you? I don't have personal experience of your situation but I feel for you. Early babyhood can be tough even when there are 2 parents around who are fully well both physically and emotionally and who have support from the wider family so no wonder you are finding things hard right now. Yes it will pass but you could use some help NOW. Do you go to a mother & baby group - is there anyone there you could confide in? This is much more common than you think and they may be able to offer either personal support or advise you on accessing proper help locally. What about your own parents / sister / sister-in-law / aunties/ cousins / neighbours? They may well be unaware of how you feel until you tell them. Take care of yourself first. Some one else will be along shortly with better advice I'm sure.

Whereabouts are you, OP?

Do you have Home Start in your area? That might be good for you. Someone would come to your house every week and support you.

I don't think you've had good medical care. You need to go to another GP - is there one in the same practice? You really need help, still. They shouldn't have just dumped you like that.

Please tell us where you are. I'm sure there's someone here who would love to help you.

I am sorry you are having such an awful time. Have you got family who can come and help you out?

I think you should go back to your GP and ask to be re-referred to perinatal psychiatry. Insist. They have lots of different treatments available and if one doesn't work they can try another. If they won't refer you to perinatal psychiatry say that you need a referral to your CMHT (community mental health team).

You should also be able to access talking therapy for your post-natal depression via the IAPT service. You can just ask your GP for a referral.

In some (not many) areas social services have a drop-in centre where you can leave the baby for a while to get some space. You could try calling them and asking.

Take things a day at a time, an hour at a time. Be very kind to yourself. The Samaritans are always there for you to talk to and if things get really unbearable you can take yourself to A&E.

You have got the whole of Mumsnet behind you.

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation - it sounds really really tough, and that is not good, for you or your ds. Your life WILL get easier, I promise, and much better again, but you have to find some quick solutions to feel a little bit better in the short-term, to get you through until this happens. In my experience, 9 mnth olds are not the easiest, not really sleeping properly yet, but so needy of all your attention - it must be over-whelming doing it all on your own. Sounds like you are doing a grand job. It doesn't hurt to have a good sob now and again - it won't scar him for life

Do you have any support locally? Any friends who can come and give you an hour for yourself - to have a bath, go shopping, out for a run, whatever makes you happy? Or any family who could help? I also think having a very strong word with your ds' father is necessary - he may have issues, but tough luck, he is a dad now, and has to step up.

When you were discharged, what reasons were you given? I can't imagine that you would be discharged, if you were totally upfront about how you were feeling - when you were referred to a hospital, what follow-ups/treatment have you had, other than ADs? I work in MH services, this sounds very odd...

Hey I am so sorry to hear that you are finding things so hard.

I totally understand how you are feeling. I have been there, although my circumstances were different but I know what it is like to feel that you have no one to help you or care about you.

Can you see a different GP?

Other posters have given you some good advice. Do you have family that could help you? Whereabouts are you? How old is baby now? And yes, it does get better :)

Please post again

How are you today, polkadot?