Unspeakably angry today.. full of resentment and bitter feeling.. but how will it all pan out

[seenitallbefore2012]

I was so angry with dh this am I was beside myself. But all the dc are around today and when I speak to him he starts to raise his voice. He just blames me and finds fault with me and I am so full of hate for him I can't even express it.
I need to use this anger to go ballistic with him and tell him I want him to go and he has no choice but DIVORCE. He has ruined my entire adult life.
He has let me down so badly.
I had a thread and have had all the advice.. all I need now is your help when I tell him and your support.. I am going to miss ds when he is not here and I am so scared financially of what will happen and with the house. We live in an area where everyone knows each other and I don't know whether to move away or what.
I need to keep the anger to lambast him, but at the same time need to function.

Anger in one box....use when necessary
functions in another...one foot in front of the other and meet what challenges come your way.

You don't need to plan everything, just the next couple of steps.

we're all here

feel I have lost my chance no more opportunity today..tonight everyone together for the football then bedtime and older dc here. ANOTHER weekend wasted another unhappy day I can't stand it a moment longer.

I am tricked and fooled. I am living the lie.
Am I scared of him or just anxious for the future

If you link previous thread the back story may provide a clue as to how best to advise to set about ending your farce of a marriage.

What's wrong with expressing your feelings at bedtime in lieu of a book? If he raises his voice, so what? Presumably your dc are aware that their df is an arse.

I really need to calm down.
I am trying to fix everything at once and panicking because it can't be fixed.
I am capable of doing this and its not too late.

There's only one thing you need to fix and that is the end of your marriage. The sooner you tell him, the sooner it will be over.

You'll calm down when you realise (and you will) that however shit and complicated and difficult the future is going to be, it will still always, always be better than how things are now. What you need isn't anger - it's ruthless efficiency in dealing with the practicalities - you need to decide about the moving away, have a think about the access arrangements, talk to CAB or look online for benefit entitlements etc. Once you get the ball rolling the anger will fade.

OP I dont know your back story so I dont know if this will help.
Someone advised me that feelings are like the passenger in the back seat of the car; they can advise you where to go, they can talk to you while you are travelling, they can have input into the direction and destination, but they do not drive the car.
Stay angry, it's there for a good reason.
Use it to fire yourself up, make a plan of what you want.
Then implement it.... regardless of him.

I agree, just tell him tonight - if older DCs are around ask them for a bit of space as you need to talk to dad or even ask him to come out to the garden for a chat to get some privacy. Otherwise perhaps you could 'book a time' with him tomorrow evening to say you have some things you need to talk about, but if he's the kind to sense this is coming and dodge it, I'd do it sooner rather than later and catch him off guard.

I don't know your situation so far, but if I were you (and I kind of am... H moved out yesterday!) I would present it as a fait accompli - there's no discussions to be had or ultimatums.

After yet another crappy weekend where you have felt alone, disappointed and frustrated, you have decided that this relationship doesn't make you happy and you would like him to leave. If he refuses you accept that you will have to leave, but it would be better for the DCs to remain in their home for stability, so if he cares at all about them he will do the right thing.

If he raises his voice, more fuel for the fire - he is entitled to be upset, but if he starts shouting or getting angry, is unreasonable and incapable of talking to you without raising his voice - its just another reason you are leaving him.

I would get very angry and shout at my STBXH because he didn't show any emotion and would stonewall (is that the right word?!) me, put his hands up and say "this conversation stops here" etc. As long as you are being respectful and dignified, allowing him his say, he has no real reason to shout or get angry.

I feel exactly like you, scared of the emotional and financial implications of being alone, but its got to be better than this hasn't it. x

Tell us your story? Why so angry this am?

Any link to your thread?

It's not another wasted weekend. It is confirmation of what you need to do.

If you are sure this is what you want to do and there is no way back then start tomorrow to get all the balls rolling. Find out all the agencies you need to talk to to sort finances and start looking for a solicitor to start sorting your divorce and what you need to sort between you.

Then you can talk to him at any time when you have the ball rolling.

/hugs