im 37 wks pg and need some advice please

[bumptobabies]

so im 37 wks pg never lived with the dad have a love for him but he has attachment issues, displays borderline personality disorder traits. has offered help ie shopping twice in nearly 9mths and only when prompted yet hes so excited about being a dad, he cant even pay his own rent,run his business have money for food, manage his emotions let alone take care of a child.
i dont think its fair to be so inconsistant during the pregnancy and then expect joint parental responsability and to be there at the birth. i dont know how to have the conversation re him not being on the birth cert any tips please

How long were you with him before you got pg?

Why did you choose to have a dc with this man?

Has he expressed a wish to be named on the birth certificate? If you're not married, you're under no obligation to register him as the father of your dc.

He can't register the birth without you being present. You can't name him as the father if he's not present. If you take yourself off with your new arrival to register the birth on your own there'll be nothing he can do about it.

Sometimes fait accompli is the best way to go.

Just don't put him on it, you aren't married to him I'm guessing, so he can't do it for you and if you did want him on it he would have to attend, from the sound of it I'm guessing that won't happen.

What attracted you to this man?

X posted a bit there, I was going to ask what Izzy asked but rephrased cause I'm a massive wimp

Fastest finger first, eh, Dany. I don't usually win that particular prize.

Great minds and all that

he is a pleaser so needs to be liked by everyone pretended to be into the things i was into etc complete lack of autonomy, then would passive agressively blame me, have tantrums. he melted my heart i do have a love for him but wont be with him its not healthy.

i had a coil fitted when concieved have two other children termination was not an option.

havnt discussed not being on birth cert dont know what to say.

i have sugested he see ds mon,wed,fri evenings 4-6.30 for evening routine that way it can be consistant he wanted more flexability but i said that dosnt work.

he hasnt made himself available for labour but wants to be there and me to call him. hes out with the lads and djing so when i said i wont be calling you so when you meet your son you breath fumes over him. his response well do what you want re the birth ill see him mon,wed and fri.

anyone know whats reasonable re visiting rights etc

Gosh, you really don't like him, do you?

you can't possibly be planning staying together as a couple, surely. Why don't just split up with him. Or are you not a couple.
I may be wrong here but can't he apply to be on the birth certificate? What are doing regarding Maintenance?

Well, you have who you want at the birth. I don't believe any father has a 'right' to be in the room with a birthing mother. So that's that one sorted.

I think it's morally wrong to have 'father unknown' on a birth certificate, but I'm old fashioned like that.

Have to echo everyone else as to why you were sleeping with someone you clearly don't have any form of proper relationship with. But It's not my place to have moral judgements on others either.

it's just going to be a sorry mess for the child.