No sex drive since baby was born, baby is 2 next week!!

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Hi there, I dont know if anyone can help me or give me advice, Since having my daughter I have completely lost my sex drive. Its been 2 years! more if you count during the pregnancy! I dont know what to do. My OH has been so patient but is getting very frustrated, understandably so. I have been to the doctors who were useless, we have seen a relationship counsellor which didnt work. I am generally very happy in all other aspects of my life except my sex life. I feel like that part of me has died. I dont want to feel like this, its really getting me down and affecting my relationship. I had a very traumatic birth, dont know if that had anything to do with it. Any advice or kind words are very much appreciated, thank you! xx

Right there with you! 2years too! Labour was fine but had (nasty, took ages to heal) stitches. Had sex once since on night away (with one aim). Feel like i'm not the same person since DD born. Been for counselling, and pretty sure mine is self esteem and failing to be wonder woman, plus i'm only just getting used to the concept of being a mum! I think about my lack of sex life everyday, feel so guilty because i love my DH. I'm really starting to try and get some time back for myself so i can realise i'm still the same person and feel sexy again. We'll both get there eventually!

Is it just sex you don't want? Are you OK with cuddles, kisses, massage, and other intimacy? I'm sure a relationship counsellor has spoken to you about that but, if not, you may find that making a conscious effort to be more intimate is less pressurised than thinking you have to have sex.

My dd's are 19 and 14 still waiting for mine to return

Thanks for your replies everyone. Betty boo, I totally understand what you mean and feel exactly the same about not feeling like the same person! And failing to be wonder woman! I feel like I have to do everything eg housework, cooking, cleaning, working, being a mum etc, I feel like I've lost myself and im just on auto pilot! Its so nice to know im not the only one who feels like this!

Cogito im fine with cuddles, massage, kisses but nothing past that. We have had sex during the past two years just not much! once every few months! And even then im doing it more for him. It doesn't help that we sleep in separate beds because our daughter sleeps in with me! We hardly ever have any time to ourselves and if we do im usually thinking about everything that needs to be done (housework etc)

Being a mum is such hard work isnt it! No one tells you about all the difficult bits!

Thanks again for your replies xxx

Sounds like getting your DD into her own bed is high up the agenda. Housework will survive a few hours without it being a disaster. Being a mum is only as restrictive as you allow it to be. It is highly recommended to maintain a life of your own and not be a total martyr on the alter of motherhood.

What about some individual therapy to help with the trauma of the birth? Your GP should be able to arrange it. I'd deal with that first and then go from there,