Just realised I am being abused.

[Theydeserve]

I just read the start of this thread and the verbal abuse description link. I still want to deny it but I know it is true

I had been married 15 yrs, have two young DCS under 5yrs. 2 yrs ago I found out that DH was having an affair with a good family friend.

He refused to move out and moved into the spare room, whilst continuing a relationship with her. I kept working, looking after DCS and started to look for somewhere to move into. Intermittently accused of all sorts of things and jsut kept surviving. All sorts of shit that most people can not believe but basically she kept living with DP whilst seeing my ExH and he lived in our house and just lived a separate life.

Then her DP found out about the affair ( I was threatened not to speak to him) Gave her three months to move out with their 2 DCs. This is the impetus for my ExH to find house and they all move into it. Got up one Saturday morning told the DCS to look after me as he sat there crying and left. His contact with his 2 DCs has in the past four months included - 2 over night stays and once or twice per week school pick up. Financially fuck all.

I have since spoken to her DP - everytime something goes wrong in their relationship, I ma phoned up and screamed at down the phone. I am the bitch, I am stopping them being happy etc etc.

It has been sobering for me to realise that I am being verbally and emotionally abused.

So sad as am sure the only people who are going to suffer will be the DCs.

I know they both deserve each other for the shit they have done to me - I am currently "banned" from talking to his parents, mutual friends, going to certain countries in the world, sending text messages to certain people, accessing facebook etc etc etc etc etc. I do what the hell I like.

Just sitting here - v sad. The man I loved so completely ahs turned into a complete wanker and she blames me for everything.

Stop taking their calls.

Who cares what she thinks.

Get child maintenance payments sorted through the official channels, as well as an arrangement for contact with the children if you want one.

Do keep on speaking to who you please - "banned" indeed!

and have a ((((hug))))

Sounds like you have had a lucky escape!!

They were having an affair, thrilling and exciting in keeping it a secret ad then they got found out and real life has taken over.

Maybe she doesn't like having your DC over?

Where are you living now?

And why isn't he paying financially for this children? You need to get that sorted.

Ah the script yet again. Stop taking their calls and tell them you will phone the police if they don't stop.
It was fun while it was an affair, now they have realised everyday life together, is just not the same. They made their bed, appears they don't want to to lie in it. Ironic really.
Go to the csa and sort the money out and disregard their miserable lives. Br prepared though. The script dictates he will try and come back as he regrets it. You have had a lucky escape.

CSA Monday as they will only backdate til point you began the process. It will make you feel more in control.

You are the DCs mother and the one stable factor in their lives. If you want to include the grandparents in things then do so.

Everything else is your life and your decision. Don't take her calls, don't take his. The only connection between you and your ex is your DCs. By detaching you can put her and their problems in a little box and imagine her screaming impotently at the skies. Sounds like she has some real problems if she wants to blame you for her relationship with him going wrong. Metaphorically hold your hands up and say sweetly to yourself "What me?"

I wish I could stop the phone calls but he insists on speaking to the DCS everynight and they love it.

At the moment I am the evil evil person who is causing them all the grief and the screaming aggressive abuse is beyond belief.

His family are lovely and supportive and I have a very small family, so all the cousin stuff and Aunty /Uncle stuff comes from them and I am not going to deny them that.

It saddens me that he can not see what he is doing - latest threat is him cutting off all communication, which he knows DCS will hate but will of course make her life easier.

Coming back - not a bleeding chance!

Get a cheap PAYG phone for the DCs to take his calls at home.

2 words OP FUCK THEM!
As others have said...go through the correct channels CSA, if he's not providing for the DC then it's a must.
As for who you can and can't speak to....tell him to feck himself and use his controlling idiotic rules on his new GF, you're an adult who can talk to who she wants and when. It's not his business. HIS children are STILL part of HIS family, no matter what, so why would he want them to potentially lose that connection.
Good idea about the cheap PAYG then you have no reason to speak to him any more, just make sure the phone is charged and topped up and the kids can manage.
Really feel for you OP, toxic, moronic exes make me sick x

cheap PAYG phone for the dc's to speak to him

do not engage with him/her at all

put your phone straight down if they ring you

contact CSA to get financials sorted

oh, and go/speak to/use whatever social networks/socialise etc etc to/with whatever the fuck you like

as per prious posts....do not enter into dialogue with any of them. you're being scapegoated as its easier to blame you and not them. fight for finanicial dues via the legal / official channels. begin to move on with your life as they are not worth your timeor efforts. when you can see how little they matter to your well being and happiness, things will get essier for you and the hurt will subside.

dont get down to their level btw. you have dignity. good luck and hugs

Get your phone number changed, and ex directory. Do you have a solicitor? If not go and see a few to see who you can work with, they usually give you a free 1/2 hour, which can be useful to get some initial advice.
Work out some questions first.
PAYG phone sounds the way to go.

Pay as you go phone for a tenner, it doesn't need money on it because it's only for incoming calls from their father and will only be switched on for a wee while in the evening.
Can you arrange contact via a contact centre or something? The man can't behave in a civilised manner and why should you subject yourself to his whims and moods when he can see his kids with an agency who won't allow his tantrums and harassment?

Keep a diary of their harassment-times, what was said etc. even better for you if they do threaten you, as that's illegal.
Good luck, don't let these imbeciles stop you enjoying your new life!