Rocky patch with DH and with myself...

[OnlyMe1971]

Am so pissed off at the moment and just need to let it out. I feel so frustrated and trapped by my life. I have 3 kids whom I adore and a DH who is a good man but at the moment I can barely be in the same room as him. He just drives me insane, his habits his mannerisms his voice, EVERYTHING aahhhhh!!!!! Sorry that had to come out.

We have 3 ds and life is very stressful at times and I'm constantly tired. So is DH. We both do loads so there is no inequality or anything like that. Just a basic feeling of being fed up and frustrated with myself and my life.

Our eldest ds is 6 and youngest 2, and every now and again I get a glimpse of things getting easier only to be thrown right back into stress a day later.... now DH is talking about moving on in his job which might mean travelling and I'm freaking out at the thought of it.... our kids are sweethearts but they are 3 boys close together and that can be trying to say the least.

When DH and I are alone together we get along okay, especially when we are removed from our usual surroundings like if we go out on a date or whatever, but at home we seem to bicker and argue endlessly. I find myself not feeling even remotely attacted to him anymore, and sometimes feel a bit repelled by him. THen other times we get on great, have a laugh and some fun together and we'll muddle on again for a while.... But I have this underlying sense of frustration and the feeling that I'm not fulfilled...

I have tried hard to work at this: joined a mums and tots group so have a good circle of firends, go to the gym 3 times a week when I can and just generally keep myself really busy. I want to be a balanced wife and mother but lately, I feel all over the place. Since I turned 40 I feel particularly bad, my periods are all over the place and I am so moody it's not even funny. I have this horrible feeling of self loathing that sometimes rears it's ugly head and so I feel my negative feelings are all connected to this.

So sorry I didn't mean to ramble, it's just DH and I have had yet another really silly disagreement and i'm just so fed up, have no-one to talk to about this as all my friends think he is Mr. Perfect....

I really just needed to offload.

Go and see your GP. Your moods are probably a big part of why you feel so down, and I would say from your post that you could be heading towards depression too. It also sounds like a normal family and the ups and downs that go with that, but if you are already feeling low, the niggles that would normally pass play on your mind, and magnify into bigger issues.

Three little children will try the patience of a saint, and not many of us are saints. I don't think things actually sound too bad, or rather, it sounds pretty similar to lots of families I know with small children. It does sound like your hormones are a bit all over the place, and when they are, disliking your partner and then liking them another day can be quite normal (if not desirable).

All the usual advice, offload what you can (cleaning/ironing), get time as a couple, get out every now and again, applies. You are doing all the right things, they won't be little for ever and it will get easier, honest.

Thanks lots for that, we definitely don't make enough time for being a couple. Being a parent is so relentless at the moment and our 2 older boys are really tired at teh end of the school year and so the behaviour is just near impossible to manage. After a really good night's sleep last night I felt better today. But then on the good days it's like DH is so used to us sniping that he snipes anyway grrrrrr.
This morning was meant to be my turn to have a lie in, but 2 of the boys were up in my room cying and screeching at 8am, my 4.5 year old, who we are trying to night train, was still in his night nappy even though he had been up since 6:30 - I mean, WHERE is the peace in that lie in????
I was so annoyed I couldn't get back to sleep.
Then when I calmly asked DH why DS was still in his night nappy, he says cheerfully "oh, I didn't realise ha ha" - I could have swung for him, seriously!