So much has happened and I just don't know how to get my head around it!

[AnaemicPrincess]

Not really sure where to start. This may end up being long and not making much sense. Just feel as though I need to get some things off my chest.

Met ex p when I was 15 and he was 18. Feel pregnant at 16 and had Ds at 17. Fast forward to now and so many things have happened that have broken me down and I just can't get my head around it all. Ex p spent our whole relationship lying to me and being emotionally abusive. The main focus of this post I suppose is that he is now in a relationship with a man that he was seeing behind my back. He also cheated on me numerous times with both men and women, one of which was a full blown affair which lasted untold months. I only really got clarification of this after we split last Year.

He somehow talked me into getting a loan out for him as he was in debt and I was young, stupid and in love. It was ?2000 and he is now claiming he paid that back. He hasn't and I don't except he ever will as I have no proof the money was ever for him.

I remember that once while he was drunk and we had started to have sex I told him he was hurting me and he refused to stop until he finished. I now know that this was rape but at the time I thought I was the one in the wrong. He claims to have no recollection of this also.

After we split I decided that I needed a fresh start and made the decision to move myself and my Ds to the UK where I was born (We had been living in Ireland) ex p was not happy with this and took me to court. Although initially I was told we would have to stay in Ireland I appealed the case and it was decided that upon investigation into everything (ex p banned from driving for 10 years after being caught for drink driving twice) and also the fact that actually as the person who had sacrificed and taken care of Ds I deserved to be able to go to college and make a better life for my Ds we should be allowed to move.

We came to the UK last august and since then I have started college, made so many new friends, met a wonderful man who treats my gorgeous Ds as if he were his own (they adore each other) and have never been happier. But try as I might the things that have happened to me in the past just stay on my mind. I honestly am incredibly happy but my trust in people and in myself I feel has been shattered and although I know it will get better with time o just feel myself in a constant state of fear and paranoia.

Thank you for reading, I'm not really sure what I hope to gain from this except to get it off my chest really.

That's quite a catalogue of distressing events and you may be experiencing PTSD. The memories will fade in time but it sounds as though you should consult your GP and ask to be referred for counselling to help you reconcile what happened.

Well done for getting through it, I agree with Cog. Good luck to you and well done

I'm not surprised you're feeling like that, you've been through a huge amount but look how far you've come - well done! Agree with Cogito & Xroads, get yourself to a GP who can refer you for counselling and help you work through this and get even stronger.

If it took years for your ex to grind you down, it will take more than one year for you to recover. But you will. You've seen through your ex, you've made a move, you're making a new life for yourself - congratulations.

How old are you now?

Have you looked into doing the Freedom Programme? It may help you to see that this wasn't your doing, it was your ExP's choice.

You are doing so well, but understand that this is a gradual healing process, and something you need to pursue as otherwise it just gets buried.

We are here, if you need to talk about anything.

Thank you so much for all your kind messages. I'm 22 now I I know I'm still very young. I considered going to a GP a couple of times but then changed my mind as I thought it might seem like I was making something out of nothing.

I think sometimes, you need to be in a safe and happy place before you can deal with bad stuff.
You have done so much to be proud of, op.

No, you aren't making something out of nothing.
That's a lot to cope with.
Go to your GP if you think you want to but most of all go easy on yourself.

You are young, and this only happened a short time ago really, so it is understandable that you are still coming to terms with things. It will get better, you have definately made the right moves, and you have been bloody brave too. You have done what many women sadly feel unable to do, and you have escaped. It can only get better from now on, you know that.

You wont forget what happened overnight, but gradually it will fade away and be a distant thing in your past. It will have made you stronger, and able to cope with life.

Every time you find your mind wandering back to it, just tell yourself this. "It is in the past, I survived it, and I got away from it."

I was 23 when I left my ex. I had some counselling in my late 20s and that really helped me understand that my life could move on, that it wasn't my fault and I deserved to be happy. It made a huge difference to my self-esteem and the way I approached life. 17 years on and it feels like it happened to someone else.

As I said before, well done It isn't easy to make that break but you did, you fought your corner, stood up for yourself and your ds and are building a new life. Look at the positive rather than the negative. Best of luck for your future.

I feel incredibly lucky really considering everything. I now have a wonderful DP and of course my gorgeous little boy plus a whole host of loving and supportive family. Dp's family have also been amazing in accepting us and making us feel like family. I feel awful for Dp because I have all this baggage that he just shouldn't have to deal with. Ex-p's family are a nightmare. One night after ex p had had to much to drink he became violent. When I told his mother (as it was at her house and I was leaving immediately although it was the middle of the night but I had ds with me and I needed to do my best for him) she asked me what I had done to provoke him :(

I had that said to me too AP, but by MY dad! Ex was considered to be quiet and calm and I was apparently the volatile one. I am still seen as 'moody' by my dad, difficult to live with. My present dh doesn't see me like that at all which speaks volumes.

Your ex's aggression wasn't your fault, no matter what his mother or anyone else may think. Your dp will help and support you with your 'baggage' because he loves you and respects you. He can see how strong you are and he wants to be a part of that. Don't shut him out because you see this as your problem, your past relationship experience will have a degree of bearing on this one IYSWIM? I think you would benefit from counselling though to clarify and work through what you have dealt with.

The rest of your life can be happy and positive, don't let the choices your ex made affect you any further.