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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Contribute Stats on the Hardcore Porn Addicts/Support Thread?

24 replies

forestfern · 26/02/2006 11:14

Lets collect some statistics or add some that we know of. Can you spot the types before you invest?

Here are a few possibles/just thoughts of mine:

He:

From the outset they are always looking around at any attractive women or sexual signs for titillation.

They can have a farily good conversation at the same time, it is such a practised skill.

You become their friend/mum too early on by their doing. They are a bit over-spooney.

They are not very romantic.

You sense the lack of intimacy and sexual loyalty. They may be very loving in many other ways.

They are often not sensual, passionate lovers.

They are often from public school.

They are a bit groin-orientated like a watered-down version of M Jack, they are in love with their meat and two veg TOO much and cant wait to grab it to hello in the morning.

They are more likely to do the quicky early morning riser thing than the erotic seductive stockings-and-suspenders approach.

They go for Private not Playboy.

They dont buy you sexy underwear or ask you to dress for them - they dont want you spoiling the fetish of the titillation from their other women, or the threat of you as a real sexual being?!

Underneath they see female sexuality as a threat to their own masculine libido?

They get bored of you sexually after about a year.

They want you to go out dressed casually and unprovactively - in jeans and Tshirt and be their mate and shag buddy, even sharing the stuff if you agree?

They take badly threats from other males, whistles or attention your way, instead of feeling flattered.

They are insecure and need to bolster their ego?

They get road rage.

They like to bond with other males with the sharing of it, a latent homoerotic side or underlying fear of other men as sexual predators, share and diffuse the threat?

They like to watch the pleasure of other males, so a one-on-one is a bit boring.

They dont like to watch normal sex, so maybe after a while they get bored of normal sex.

They seek to objectify in order to create a heightened thrill from the fetish of porn, thus oddities and escalation.

They are very intense people!

They are angry.

...

OP posts:
colditz · 26/02/2006 11:22

They make strange requests, eg shave all your pubes off, dye you hair blond for me.

They do 'porn' things to you in bed, (talking dirty, mauling breasts etc), and are surprised when you point out it is doing nothing for you ("But I thought all women liked that....")

notasheep · 26/02/2006 20:21

They cannot be trusted

They deny they look at porn

They look at very close pictures of women having a hand put up their arse(well thats what dp was watching last night)

Forestfern-your list is exact!

SALALEX64 · 27/02/2006 10:37

I wax all my pubic hair off and we talk dirty in bed and we have a very loving relationship and he is the most wonderful man i have ever met. And we watch porn and like it. I have a great deal of respect for your views, in particular the discussions on the other thread about what sounds disturbing behaviour. But please don't tar all the people who watch and enjoy porn and what some may call "strange" sexual requests with the same brush.
If you are talking about a particular kind of man and I have misunderstood, I apologise but there are two sides to every story.

cod · 27/02/2006 10:39

sorry i dont get this

are oyu all talking about y our dhs?

SALALEX64 · 27/02/2006 11:06

I think the thread in general is talking about a particular type of man who likes porn. I was just saying that not all people who like porn (some sorts anyway)need help/counselling. And I am talking about my dp.
have you been following the other thread entitled Porn is going to ruin my marriage?

GDG · 27/02/2006 11:20

What a pile of crap.

GDG · 27/02/2006 11:20

OP I mean - complete rubbish - this doesn't describe any man I know and I don't know any that doesn't like porn.

cod · 27/02/2006 11:21

this is total crap then

agree iwht gdg

GDG · 27/02/2006 11:25

Good Cod - now, can you find me a nice pair of elegant brown shoes for a wedding? Grin

cod · 27/02/2006 11:25

ok spec please

Heathcliffscathy · 27/02/2006 11:28

i agree with gdg (thunk!) :o

zippitippitoes · 27/02/2006 11:28

what is Private?

lol most men who like porn have been to public school..drivel, have you never been to the local pub

GDG · 27/02/2006 11:29

Shock sophable agrees with me?? Grin

Am going over to style shop cod - see you there

NomDePlume · 27/02/2006 11:30

Private is a tacky muff mag, along the lines of Razzle and Men Only...

SALALEX64 · 27/02/2006 11:31

What does OP mean gdg? And what does IWHT mean? not understanding your posts!!
Try Hobbs for the shoes.

Gloworm · 27/02/2006 11:40

op= ooops! (i think)
IWHT = with, you get used to cods spelling after as while!

zippitippitoes · 27/02/2006 11:41

op is original poster usually

Gloworm · 27/02/2006 11:47

you learn something new on MN everyday!!

GDG · 27/02/2006 11:49

OP - original post(er)

iwht - with of course, that was the fish, not me

vitomum · 27/02/2006 12:20

forestfern is charicaturing people whose use of porn has become problematic - to them and their partners (and FWIW i think she is bang on). of course lots of people use and enjoy porn without getting addicted to it (as per alcohol, drugs, gambling etc). i can also confess to having enjoyed a bit of porn many many years ago. however, that was before i became aware of the abuse and exploitation that goes on to create porn (never mind the risks associated with using it). devloping this awareness meant i was no longer able to take any pleasure from porn. it is a total fantasy to say that all women involved in the production of porn do so as empowered women with a full range of alternative life options available to them - that's why i could never enjoy it again.

colditz · 27/02/2006 20:47

I can charicature my ex boyfriend if I want, I don't have to talk about shoesWink

nulnulcat · 27/02/2006 21:54

nothing wrong with porn and if your other half watches it so what i would rather he was watching porn and discussing his fantasies with me than shagging around

forestfern · 28/02/2006 12:59

The comments were meant to help women who have problems with this area to understand. Of course generalisations, but currently without any statistics since people are mostly afraid and embarassed to talk about something so personal. It isn't any easy thing to do. There are women here who have opened their hearts about the subject and their personal lives.

Sexual incompatability is both a waste and a very sad destructive element in an otherwise fairly normal relationship. In America there has been a massive rise in Sexual Addiction counsillers, probably as a result of the Internet. Men are the victims too.

If you are ok with it all, then you are lucky and do not suffer. You are not being judged.

It easy to put women off commenting for fear of being labelled "prudish" or something. There is nothing wrong with the sexuality, either, of the women whose partners like something that they themselves do not. It is hard to accomodate this within a relationship. What exactly is "love-making" to the other, then? We all know what a "shag" is, that's easy.

This thread should not be a slanging match between women, it should be helping those who have a problem with it who are trying to save their marriages because they do love their husbands and dont want their children to lose their father.

I hope that those who think it is just a "load of crap" dont come back to it then. I am concerned that you might have put people off from making more constructive comments.

Read "Naomi Wolfe" "The Beauty Myth" or some Camilla Paglia, perhaps.

The problem cannot be as simple as "What a load of crap", "No its not!" "Yes it is" "No its not"!

OP posts:
notasheep · 28/02/2006 13:06

forestfern-fantastic posts you have made.I am one of the ones trying to deal with my dps porn on computer.

At this moment in time i do not want him to lay a finger on me.I am on the verge of leaving and will be going to sessions at Relate very soon.

You have been support in my circumstances.Thankyou

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