Getting divorced and seeing a new guy, life has been put on hold though

[JayCee52]

Someone here has been there, and I could use a friend!

I?m looking at a years sentence for the crime of trying too hard. When the dear court?s brethren return from their hard-earned two-month recess, it will be effectively 12 months I?ve been faithfully towing their line in an honest effort to get my abusive stbxh off my weakening back!

By now, in a just society, my efforts would be worth SOMETHING! As it is, I may as well have awakened just this morning thinking, hmmm I want divorced.

For those women here thinking that, GET RIPPING! I started Oct 2011 and as I well represent, nothing (as in big fat zip) has occurred to my benefit!

I?m not asking for sympathy ladies, I Just have a teeny little Q.

How is it I can still commit adultery?

My solicitor, however ineffective, has said, ?You can?t be forced to stay married to someone.? Well then, after doing all humanly possible to get unmarried, and finding the legal system not only blind, but deaf and dumb as well, I?m told I must not move on with my life!

Adding insult to injury, I can still be counter-sued for adultery!

What?s that if not being forced to remain married to someone? I remain the chastity-belted chattel of an abusive male I haven?t loved in more than a decade!

When I started this action by petitioning the court for relief from suffering, my starry-eyed stbfh said, ?The divorce law in UK's newly enlightened after years of favoring the husbands!? Well, baby-cakes we still can?t go to bed, can we?

So help me here if you can and chide me if you must! Haven?t I been the good little girl and done all I was asked? How many seas must the white dove sail? All I ask is that a good-faith effort be rewarded with due respect!

How is it, friends? How can a woman be an adulteress after a year of divorce proceedings by getting on with her life at the side of a decent man?

Are you not in the UK?

All I can say is does it really matter what some people think of you due to a technicality?

And does it matter if you are counter-sued for adultery if you get your divorce?

I may be incorrect but i thought/think that you cannot sue for adultery if you are not/were not living together as man and wife when the adulterous act took place and only then if it is within 6 months of becoming aware of it.

I assume you are pursuing "unreasonable behaviour" as cause in your petition and i guess that your former D and STBX H thinks he has unlimited funds at his disposal as I am sure a court will gladly remove as much money as possible form his hot little hands for wasting their time with a counter claim.

Is your solicitor good???

I'm in NI.

It matters in that the NISI could, should, and would be done and dusted by now, allowing me the freedom to move on w my intended, if it weren't for an incompetent legal system and rote representation by my solicitor and barrister.

That is a v helpful response. Ty! Gives me grist for thought.

Solicitor is not good and will be replaced forthwith by one who has the right credentials!

Ahh I understand more now.

Just think all these hurdles now, if the new man hangs around until it is all done and dusted then he is probably a keeper and you will have a fab life and can thumb your nose at ex and the system

Ty. It's such a help to hear that. Yes! He's all that and more!
All the best to you!

Unless there is a Deed of Separation in place, even if a couple have been separated for many years, should either party embark on a physical relationship with another person before the decree Absolute has been pronounced, they are committing adultery.

However, adultery is only relevant as one of the grounds for divorce and rarely has any relevance to financial matters.

There would also be the question of proving that adultery has taken place after an informal separation or petition for divorce had been filed - it's not always easy to snoop on someone else if you're not sharing the same home.

Providing a new couple, so to speak, are unlikely to run their mouths off broadcast the nature of their relationship, discretion may reap its own rewards.

To clarify a point that fool has made reference to, adultery can only be used as a ground for divorce if the petition to divorce is filed within 6 months of the petitioner becoming aware that the respondent has got their leg over committed adultery with another party, or parties.

In other words, if you should discover that your spouse has committed adultery and you don't file a petition to divorce within 6 months of the date of your discovery, you'll need to cite other grounds for divorce as, in the eyes of the law, continuing in a marriage for 6 months after becoming aware of the other spouse's adulterous behaviour is tantamount to forgiving and forgetting.

When me and my exhusband split up it was because of his drinking, a couple of months after we split I met my DP and then exh divorced me on grounds of adultery. I let it carry on as it meant I could get divorced.

Do I give a shit that I was labelled unjustly because we had already split? Nope, not a shit is given.

Ditto for me. Separated in June, had a fling (non-sexual) with someone in September (then I found out he was married and ended it. Despite me ending my marriage he sued be for divorce on the grounds of adultery and unreasonable behaviour. I could have countersued but it would have cost more I was advised, so I let it go.

thanks to Izzy who actually knows the answer!!

still think that you should try not to care which way the divorce comes..certainly don't fight it...the thing is to be free and to spend as little of your hard earned cash getting there as is humanly possible. Glad you are looking into a good lawyer...you def. need to have confidence in your representation if things are going to get hairy with an ex who is not playing ball.

Good luck.

What happens if someone starts the process, as in says they want to divorce due to adultery but then never follow up the first solicitors letter and 6 months or more has past?

I was divorced in the UK 25 years ago and I was told by my solicitor not to complicate the process by getting involved with anyone. We divorced because of my exh adultry!

In that case, toy, as far as citing adultery as ground for divorce goes, the train has left the station and it's too late to get on it.

Are you asking because you or a friend failed to follow through after an initial consultation with a solicitor?
.

Yes friend has got caught up in more important things such as dealing with issues around children and divorce has been forgotten about

Just to confirm, as we just read something else, does this only apply if you still live together? I'm my friends case she threw her husband out straight away, sent a solicitors letter to him citing adultery but then hasn't been back to solicitor since and has been dealing with issues around the children through mediation. Is she unable to divorce him now for adultery?

Irrespective of whether the parties have separated or remain living together, if six months have elapsed since the discovery of a spouse's adultery that particular ground for divorce is done and dusted as far as the law is concerned.

However, given that she kicked his arse into orbit immediately she discovered his infidelity, I would suggest that your friend makes contact with the solicitor who sent the letter to see whether her h's adultery can be put back on the table, as it were.

In any event, your friend can cite his playing away as ground for divorce due to his unreasonable behaviour - and she can name the recipient of his extra-martial attentions in her Petition albeit that it may be too late to cite the ow as a Co-respondent.

It's academic; adultery is unreasonable therefore his behaviour is unreasonable and, as the majority of divorces these days are granted on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour by the Respondent, she won't have lost ground if she's out of time on his adultery.

izzyizin - Your mention of divorce decree got me looking round! Could it not be used to create agreements between divorcing spouses during the time prior to the final decree?

For example, might a limited decree allow each to indemnify the other from redress due to a relationship that may occur between time of filing and time of decree?

My read is a decree can be anything to which divorcing couples can agree, put into writing, and sign giving the court a means of enforcing the agreement.