what do i do if i cant handle it

[noimnotreallyme]

im in a relationship its always been kinda arms lenght,but we do have a child togather,i dont want to live with anybody apart from my kids and i havent wanted to ever again since my last very abusive relationship broke down,

new bloke is not quite as bad a s last one but hes emotionally abusive and very threatening he stays at mine a lot because he cant cope with not being here there are many reasons why i dont want him to live with me,
he has no job, my last relationship was so financially abusive that i NEVER want to be financially responsable for another adult again.
his temperment is so different to mine
and i dont see this going anywhere
hes to clingy/needy and trys to prevent me going anywhere without him
got far to serious far to quick.
im not allowed to talk to ANY males no matter how long ive known them or who they are

anyways to cut a long story short without telling me he told his parents that he was moving in with me about 3 weeks ago. they have now told him he cant come back there i found out he had done this yesterday and im furious and dont know what to do

i tried to break up with him several times but he either crys and says hes got nowhere to go or gets threatening says hes going to distroy my life basicly anything and everything even stuff like hes either never going to see his child ever again to in the next breath saying hes going to get residency by using my older childs disability of evidence that my older child is violent (hes not and never has been).when he gets going he can be yelling for hours and hours he even does this whilst i have baby on lap once he yelled 'put the baby down you think your safe because your holding him' then threatening to smash up my house
if i try to talk to anybody about him he gets arsey but then says hes doing nothing wrong.
there are so many things and reasons why i want shot and i have always been compleatly honest about not seeing this relationship as going anywhere not wanting to live togather or be a formal couple but tbh now i just want compleatly out

wtf am i surposed to do when he cant understand that moving in somewhere without asking or even saying is just wrong,how am i sposed to get him out without it spilling over into violence.
my nearest family member other than children is 6 hours away,i cant go to the police as i would lose my job (i cant explain why i would lose my job without possibly being identifyed) im just lost and dont know how to fix this

The only way to fix it is to have him removed from your house.

We are all entitled to make mistakes and i find it hard to believe that you would lose your job, just for having him removed.

It will escalate and then if you do not handle it in the right manner, it may effect you in work, especially once it is identified that your children are at risk, which they are.

I am sorry your stuck. Why would you loose your job because you are a dv victim?

sorry I know you can't say much, but I am sure that's illegal.

I don't think you'll ever make him understand it's just wrong, because he doesn't think that way. I don't know how you'd get rid of him other than by involving the police, unless you have any large scary-looking male relatives who will put the fear of God into him (without violence, of course, I say hastily - they only have to look scary).

If he's that dreadful, if you think he really might turn violent, it might be worth risking your job for. This sounds like a guy who is capable of anything and you won't be able earn a living if he does something dreadful - although it may just be bluster - but why risk it? Protecting your children, and yourself, comes first.

I know that if you employed by the police force or a SW, you have to be careful of your conduct and who you keep company with/how you behave.

However ,as i said, everyone can have errors of judgements and your job will not be affected if you take the right steps as soon as the problem starts.

it is if the police are called out and you wilingly carry on a relationship that problems arise.

So taking action now will not affect you.

He has worked out your vulnerability and is using it against you.

Surely you'd be more at risk of you losing your job if you stayed with him? You know you're at risk of physical harm, don't you? You have to end it. Why not bring all those men you know together for when you do?

Of course you won't lose your job by making contact with the police! What would you do if you were the victim of violence by a random stranger or came home to find it had been burgled? Not phone the police for fear of losing your job?

The chances are that if you call the police to get this abusive tosser out of your home, they won't ask what you do for a living or who you work for.

Is it your sole name on the tenancy/deeds/mortgage? If so, call the police and have the tosser removed. No matter what his dps have allegedly told him, I suspect they will take him back rather than see him on the street.

Izzy has said exactly what I was going to say before the computer ate my post.

Change the locks when he is out. You didn't invite him to stay, he is squatting.

and why havent you told his parents that he definately is NOT moving in with you?