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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am i strong enough to do this...?

60 replies

ihatedarrell · 21/06/2012 20:33

My sister told me to come on here, and after reading lots of the links and joining i think she is right.

In summary, my husband and I have been married for 12 years , together for 15. Last Friday I found out he was having an affair.

I have stayed very calm at home because of the two children, and because i need to decide what to do.

He has been acting odly recently, i am not good enough for him, all i do i talk about the children and never have enough time for him. He doesnt seem to want to understand that things change when you have kids?

I found out he was talking to people on the internet. We talkabout this, dealt with it.

He hit me, in front of the kids over an argument. We went to counselling, sort of got back on track.

Then i find other phones, new sims, odd behaviour, he joined 3 dating agencies.

Then the booking the hotel etc with this woman. Last night he went out with her to the cinema and for a meal. He totally rubbing it in my face. He clearly has no intention of ending it and doesnt care that he hurts me.

He comes home from work today, and says, do you want a cuddle, i said er no. I still you you you know, er no you dont i said. Yes i do he says. I leave it at that.

In the last few years (and I apologise if two special people are reading this because it will hurt them.) He has punched me hard in the head and burst my ear drum. Hit my whilst pregnant, i should have left then. Called me all sorts of abusive names.

He tells me I am niave, this is normal, if you want a divorce i will be the biggest cunt ever, i chose the wrong sister, the list goes on.

He now says, he wants me to keep on as normal, with him in the house , with him seeing her, for the sake of the kids.

But the kids are my main priority, i dont want this to go on anymore, i want to be independent of him. But how can i do that without huirting them? They are going to be so very upset because they do love him. Am i being selfish?

Any advice much needed....

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/06/2012 21:16

sweetheart, there is no fine line about domestic violence

what he did was physical abuse, and if he did it to a stranger in the street he would be arrested for common assault

if you reported him, he would be arrested for assaulting you

porridgelover · 21/06/2012 21:17

Another vote for listening to anyfucker....usually offers good advice.
Do you jointly own the house- is his name on the mortage- be careful about changing locks as legally he may be entitled to come and go as he wishes.
Ideally contact the police so that they are aware that violence has happened. AFAIK they will often assist at the time that he leaves. Also dont let him know what you are intending until all your plans are in place.
Have a bag at a friends with your important documents, money, kids documents, passports, birth certs, changes of clothes, some toiletries- just in case you have to leave quickly.
Women's aid will advise you- if you ring them, they will be a real life support.

BertieBotts · 21/06/2012 21:25

There isn't a fine line with domestic abuse at all. If he's doing anything - physical, mental, emotional, whatever with the intention of causing you pain, it is ABUSE.

The reason that you think there is a fine line when it's happening to you is that he doesn't just wake up one day and punch you, it starts small, perhaps he gets angry when you've made a mistake rather than being reassuring and because you're already feeling guilty you think he's justified.

Then maybe when he's had a bad day or you're having an argument he starts shouting a lot, you think okay, well he's stressed, everyone shouts when they're stressed.

Then his language slowly becomes more aggressive during angry times. He may start throwing things around, making threatening gestures or hitting/kicking walls or furniture. Interspersed with this, the everyday things like getting angry about a mistake, name-calling etc are increasing, shifting your window of normal, healthy behaviour.

Then perhaps one day he shoves you, or holds you or moves you somewhere roughly, because you're "getting in his face" or "really winding him up" and because by this point he's convinced you that you're a really annoying, exasperating person who can't possibly do anything right (ie, his - often impossible - way) you write it off as frustration on his part, or falsely believe that if you are "better" it won't happen again.

By the time he hits you, you don't even realise that it's violence because it's become so normal for these more subtle acts of abuse to happen, it's hard to recognise the most obvious one, the one most people think "It will never happen to me" or "I'd leave if he hit me".

All of these behaviours are abusive. Hitting (any kind of hitting) is abuse. Physically manhandling you is abuse. Aggressive language directed at you is abuse. Being threatening in general is abuse. Hitting, throwing, kicking inanimate objects in order to frighten you is abuse. Shouting at you is abusive. Blaming everything on you is abusive. Name calling and put-downs are abusive.

There is no fine line, the problem is that the line has been stretched and blurred so much that it's no longer visible at all. You don't know which way is up. It doesn't make you stupid if you're a victim of abuse, it can happen to anyone. The good news is, there's a way out and a whole new life away from this.

Xales · 21/06/2012 21:32

I think you have two choices. The first is that when he is next out, you grab the bare minimum and find yourself and the children the nearest shelter.

The second is you need to set up separating very carefully.

This man has no problem with hitting you in a 'good' relationship. I worry what he may do if you say you are leaving. He may up what he does.

Set up everything you can without him knowing. Open a bank account if you don't have one and try and get a small stash of money. Don't have any statements or anything coming to the house.

Get to a solicitor, see what you can do to legally get him out of the house and to get an order to keep him away from you. This may be hard with no evidence Sad

Sort out what you are entitled to as a single parent house hold. Get all the paperwork sorted and ready to go.

Get all legal documents you will need, passports (yours and kiddies), mortgage docs, bank statements, savings statements.

It will take you a while and you will have to be very careful.

Once you have all your information get everything done at once.

If he gives you the slightest cause for concern call the police on the non emergency line so you can set up a priority response if you need them in an emergency.

You can do this. Good luck!

Shirsten · 21/06/2012 21:39

Yes, it is domestic abuse. Any use of physical force or threat to intimidate a partner is domestic abuse. It sounds as if you are starting to normalise and play down his behaviour, which can happen when you get used to this type of behaviour. Have you read 'The Verbally Abusive Relationship' by Patricia Evans? It really opened my eyes to the abuse I put up and normalised in a relationship.

In answer to your opening question, yes you are strong enough to leave him. It may not feel like it now but one day you will look back and wonder why you didn't do it sooner. I wonder why I stayed with my abusive ex for 5 years. I should have left him after a few months but I started to normalise his behaviour and he used to sneer and say 'it's not like I'm beating you or anything'.

You will be amazed at what you can do. Leaving will be easier than staying with this man in the long run. He sounds like a nasty piece of work.

NettleTea · 21/06/2012 22:03

But you know what - you are strong and you can do this.
You can do this because you want what is best for your children, and living with an abuser, however 'nice' they may appear superficially is terrible terrible news for kids
and you have the will power and resolve to see things through - look how you have stuck with the gym and the weight loss - that takes commitment and strength of character. You have started to improve your physical health, now its time to improve your emotional and mental health by getting rid of this toxic creature.

NettleTea · 21/06/2012 22:03

The classic book to recommend at this point is 'why does he do that' by Lundy bancroft.

ImperialBlether · 21/06/2012 22:08

Why should she leave?

OP, you have got to get rid of this awful man. How can you think he's a good father when he scared the life out of them by hitting you in front of them? Do you really think that hasn't affected them?

Good for you for losing weight. Keep going with the gym - it will really help you over the next few months.

And who said AnyFucker usually gives good advice? When has she not???

maristella · 21/06/2012 22:09

You are strong enough. Whenever you wobble, think of the impact of growing up in this horrible environment on your lovely DC.

You are worth so much more.

This is domestic abuse. The violence, the knowing that there is likely to be more violence, the threats if you leave, the flaunting other women. So nasty.
It is also child abuse, because he has exposed your children to violence.

You and your DC deserve so much better, I cannot stress that enough.

Start with a call to Womens Aid. They can support you, advise you, find legal support and help you plan. And keep talking on here, there is always someone online, even in the darkest hours. A good solicitor will help you get him out of the house, if you want to involve police they will help protect you and your children from violence.

You can do it x

Imsosorryalan · 21/06/2012 22:10

You poor thing! Do you have any RL support? Can you stay with friends / family for a while?
It's so hard even knowing where to start an independent life. Do you have access to any savings or cash? If so, I would recommend withdrawing it out and maybe opening a new account for it. He may try to block cash flow when he finds out your going... Because you know that's really what you should do. It's hard leaving but would you ever forgive yourself if your dc's were ever on the receiving end?

maristella · 21/06/2012 22:13

Oh and if Darrell is your husband, I hate him too! Angry

We're on your side, the services you use to get support will be too

Midwife99 · 22/06/2012 07:14

You are strong enough love. Call women's aid for advice - they can help you leave or make him leave. Next time he do much as puts a finger on you dial 999!

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 22/06/2012 08:12

Getting him out may be a problem, as he will not want to.

Your options are therefore to get yourself and DC out (to friends or to a shelter), or to go through legal action that will bar or remove him from your home.

Call Women's Aid to discuss your options: 0808 2000 247

And yes, this is abuse.
You deserve better.
He will not change, and you need to leave.
And you can do it.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/06/2012 10:20

"But how can i do that without huirting them? They are going to be so very upset because they do love him. Am i being selfish?"

Your children are being hurt & upset already. They are watching the woman they love most in the world being abused and mistreated by their father. Any 'love' they express will partly be in the hope that he doesn't turn on them. This is damaging. You and they deserve not to live in fear.

AnyFucker · 22/06/2012 18:21

OP, you haven't been on here for a little while.

Are you ok ?

MySonIsMyWorld · 22/06/2012 20:42

Nor read the whole post from others because my eyes are killing me but GET OUT NOW YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER DO YOU REALLY WANT YOUR KIDS SEEING YOU HIT BY THAT TWAT!

ihatedarrell · 22/06/2012 22:31

hello, sorry he came back from being out and didnt want him to catch me on here! But on the plus side, thank you al soooooo much, the comments are totally amazing and make sense of what is going round in my mind. I dont know why I havent seen it sooner.

I am working towards something, will update on that soon. With regards to me other half, he said to me today, he is seeing his mother tomorrow. I said, well dont tell her while the little one is with you, she will be upset.

Oh I am not telling anyone, he says, I dont know what i think at the moment, whether I am going through a mid life crises or it is the end of the marriage?

I said well that;s easy, I can asnwer that one, it is the end of the marriage. And yes, i have told people!

He looked very surprised and asked what people thought!

When i said it wasnt nice he said, hey ho?... unbeleivable.

I said to him, if a wife finds out a husband is having an affair, normally they end it, and dont carry on seeing them!

He said i am not going to end it.

I said, then you are ending the marriage.

On the other side, he is being really really nice at the moment. It is quite wierd.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/06/2012 22:49

well done for those things you said

don't be fooled by the nice guy act, he will cut up rougher if you force him to put his words into action

ihatedarrell · 22/06/2012 22:59

thank you. I just need to get some figures together then i need to talk with him. at least he knows that it is the end and i know he is not giving her up!

OP posts:
foolonthehill · 22/06/2012 23:21
  1. get together your major docs (birth certs, marriage Cert, bank details, passports etc.) and lodge them either in the boot of your car or preferably with a good and discrete friend or family member. Along with an overnight bag for you and DCs

  2. talk to women's aid www.womensaid.org.uk/(be patient sometimes it takes a while to get through)

  3. Phone local police force and ask to be put through to local domestic violence team,,explain you are planning to leave or get him out and he has been violent and you are worried about escalation (they will log your call and red-flag your address to scramble fast if called)

  4. find a good local lawyer who specialises in domestic abuse (local women's aid will have a list or MNers might know depending on where you are in the country...), your first consult can be free with many law firms...

  5. order Lundy Bancroft "Why does he do that" so you can read it when you can amazon link to buy It will strengthen your resolve when you wonder what on earth you are doing and reassure you that it is domestic abuse and you are not to blame.

  6. Talk to him only when you have all your plans made, a safety plan for if he kicks off, if he refuses to leave or if he threatens to do anything to intimidate or harm you or the DC. I personally handed mine a letter at the end of the conversation detailing a variety of abusive and unreasonable behaviours that were unacceptable...thus when he has turned it back on me or made accusations I can refer him to it and remind him why we are apart.

I wish you all strength and safety and a good life to come.

Teansympathy · 23/06/2012 19:35

Please phone Womans Aid they are amazing will keep everything normal for you will find you an emergency home for you and your kids, sounds like you need help BIG time, YOU have done nothing wrong remember this you are being abused , you and your kids deserve a better life than this, take the plunge and do it for your family, I know it is hard but life will and can get better hug to you.

Midwife99 · 23/06/2012 20:13

He might get really nasty when he finds out you mean it. Have a back up plan in case you need to leave suddenly. I agree women's aid are the people to speak to.

SundaysGirl · 23/06/2012 23:30

I just wanted to add my voice to all the others of support and to say you CAN find the strength, it's already showing through as you post Smile

So sorry you are going through this abuse (and it IS abuse) and I wish you all the best.

ihatedarrell · 27/06/2012 20:35

thank you everyone. i have seen a solicitor, asked him to leave, a plan hjas been put in place, and he, at hte moment is agreeable to it. I have told him i want a divorce, he said he just wanted to separate. I said NO. I want a divorce. Then i told loads of people, making it clear to him i wasnt going back. Thank you all for your advice, gosh i needed that, especially that night. Thank you to me sister for suggesting I go on here! x

OP posts:
Becky2011 · 27/06/2012 20:56

Well done, hope all goes well x

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