Am I just getting confused with lust

[Bigbouncingbaby]

Long story with ex boyfriend for three years met current DP at Xmas work party. Nothing happened but I ending up leaving ex boyfriend for him and we started a relationship. Very messy hurt ex very badly lot of guilt took me a year to get over him . Still loved him when I left but felt far better suited to DP.

Bumpy few years with DP as major commitment phobic didnt know this at time ! Lots of up and downs and we made it five years later have he house and a beautifull 18 m dd. baby was my idea but he went along with it.

Unfortunately when she was born she was the baby from hell, high needs screamed all the time was so hard. Dp couldn't cope So cut himself off and left everything to me....he was grumpy miserable and just awfull. We slept separately for months and he just said well you wanted her. Loads of things happened over the months but I fell out of love with him. Got so bad that i was going to leave. He finally got his act together as she got older and easier. Can't tell u how bad first yer was. He has said and done terrible things.

Even now Still likes the nice bits like playing with her baths etc moans if she wake in night and is an early riser. He is not. I tried again for dd sake and it was easier. Put it this week I would never have another child with him. We never have sex and have no closeness sometimes we tick along but don't really have any respect or him. He can't understand why I cant move on.

Guess you see where this going randomly started e mailing ex after 5years after we were both copied in on an e mail. Started as innocent gradually feelings grew. He is in a relationship no kids. Both admit still love each other we have kissed once . Nothing else.....old feelings there. But it's almost laughable we get together and he brings up the mans childI left him for! we kep saying know we can't be together but can't stop.....

Am I looking for an escape or do i really love him. My main concern has to be dd

don't let too many people flame you here, it isn't an ideal situation but no post can express how hard it can be to be in a relationship that isn't supportive. i guess you have to use your own moral compass as a guide - but as you have already experienced, the ramifications of what may happen will hurt many people, including you...

I'm in same situation, more children and ex from 12 years ago. Ex is leaving his dw and my dh is leaving me. I can't be without him again, and have known this my whole married life.

Really you would need to split up with your dp without moving onto a relationship with your ex. Spend some time on your own as genuine "time apart" to find out whether your current dp is prepared to change his relationship with you inot a caring mutually supportive one.

Easy to say, very hard to do! Loneliness drives you to do crazy things and at the moment you are very emotionallly lonely IMHO.

Smug that's very brave and must be hard for everyone :(

Random you are right that's exactly what I need to do really don't want to get into the lieing and cheating again. It is easy to say though!

Feel torn but sick of being unhappy feel like DP had enough chances he is not a bd peron just selfish and immature. But once the feelings gone so hard to get them back and like you say an unsupportive is a lonely pace to be.

two things here. Yes you might be confusing lust with stronger feelings. That takes time to figure out. But the main thing is that you have no strong feelings for your DP. And understandably I think because when you see the father of your child not being a good parent, your feelings wane. You stop having sex. Eventually the feelings you once had are crushed and they can rarely be resurrected.

Do you want to leave him? It's so easy and safe to leave when you have someone else waiting, but you need to ask yourself if you would be leaving otherwise. Its always worth giving it a last shot just for the kid/s. Don't rush things. Try and think about what you want. Splitting up is tougher than you think and will upset more people than you think - like your family and his, etc.

I jumped ship and am glad I did. I don't miss him at all, even though he was not a bad man. But it was very hard to do. Its a big step and you have time so take that time.

Thanks def need to address my relationship first just rubbish at confrontation. He always twists it so I feel bad whatever he has done or said. Need to grow some balls and sort it!!

Go for it , life it too short for any regrets, ask yourself where do you want to be and who do you want to be sharing your life with, hope it all works out for you and your DD, good luck.x