Shit shit shit - H has just taken DCs to visit his new house.

[DoingItForMyself]

I want him out, I really do, but now that it is all real I'm having a total meltdown.

He got his keys today and I said that taking them there to see the place would be a nice thing to do, make it a bit exciting for them.

He's just taken them with him to see it and I"m left here and it feels so lonely, knowing they are all together and I'm alone.

Monday is his day off so technically it would be 'his day' for access. He got an invitation to the pub for an old mates leaving do and was quite excited until I reminded him that it was his day to have the kids over. He said the house wouldn't be ready by then, so he could still go out instead.

I insisted that he wasn't letting them down on the first available opportunity, but now I wish I hadn't pushed it. I want my little ones here with me.

hand to hold anyone? x

A hand and a {{{hug}}}

It gets easier I promise x

Hello heres my hand

I wish I could press fast forward for you it is sooo awful getting used to this

It took me a couple of months . I rang everyone and tried to be very busy whenever they were with him , literally almost every moment accounted for

Would it help if I told you that long since I revel in my time alone and really enjoy it

Keep going and just survive these early times

I'll hold the other

Am dreading this moment too.

thanks. I know in time I will appreciate the peace (and the opportunity to have friends round without DD moaning that we're keeping her awake!)

but my heart is breaking at the thought of them all being happy without me. sad I know, as H will be without them for 5 or 6 nights, but he is happy with that. The main reason he's leaving is because he could never make time for them and I thought they deserved better (as do I). Now I'm the one feeling left out. stupid I know.

H did ask if I wanted to go and also offered me a hug earlier. He says he knows this week will be hard for me. I'm trying to detach, so declined both offers, but I feel so down.

I also promise, hand on heart, that it will get better. Can u do something tonight for a few hours? To make the most of your rare child-free time and to take your mind off things.

In time your heart will sing if they are happy when they go to their Dads house because that will mean between you have orchestrated the best scenario for them

If this split is for the best then I guess you have to just remind yourself that this is part and parcel of it. Its sooo hard Doing but the trouble is you have to cope with this kind if thing just when you are at your lowest ebb as well

Mama I think they'll only be gone half an hour or so. I know I'm being a baby.

I just can't even get through a meal without getting choked up and having to leave the table! H must think he's made the best decision of his life here, I'm an over-emotional headcase. I'm getting exactly what I told him I wanted and now I'm upset about it. I know it will all be fine soon. Deep breaths.

Oh sweety, the first time DSs went off with their dad for a visit to Devon I waved them off with a big smile then cried myself to sleep (at 3pm in the afternoon) It will get better I promise

That's it GettingEasier. I had to fill in all these forms today and I don't know half the info I need for them, had to keep asking H for details/dates etc and getting him to check the figures as I have no idea about our finances. Its just so much to take on board on top of everything. I need his help and support at exactly the time he's withdrawing it to start his own life without me.

Holly, he really is doing the best he can. We sat down to work out money today and he is paying twice what the CSA calculator said he should (don't think he knows that tho!) a he wants me & DCs to be ok.

I'm being snappy at him and picking fault and bringing up previous hurt because I'm so sad that its all over, and as usual he is the model of self control and reason.

I also decided not to go with them to see the place as I want the DCs to think of it as a happy place, not the place where mummy cried! Once its all sorted out I think I will want to see what its like, just so that I can picture them there, but for now I want it to be like a little holiday home for them.

They're used to the concept of "daddy's house" from when he worked away from home and we went to visit, so its not a total break from the norm for them. The only change is that I won't be staying there!

I wish I could trip off a post to make you feel better right now but I cant.

All the ins and outs of divorce, the DC post divorce can feel just so miserable even when you know its the right thing for you and that your marriage had to end.

BUT there are umpteen MNers who will testify that you will survive and then thrive BUT there is a rather nasty stage inbetween which you cannot go around you have to go through

they're home! thanks x

Xpost - I am glad he sounds reasonable it makes a big difference

Thanks Holly. Think its more his doing than mine. I'm bloody furious that its come to this, but I know he's right, we have to be friendly for the DCs sake and as sad as I am that he couldn't be nicer for me I'm glad he's stepping up now and I'm able to forgive the hurtful things he's said and done because I know we'll all be better off apart.

Think it helps that there's no OW/OM as we couldn't be like this if there were. x

It's best to be like this and continue to be like this.

There will be a time when there is an new girlfriend/boyfriend on the scene though and that is something else you will both have to deal with in an adut way!