i resent my oh's freedom.
its not that he gets more time away or that he doesnt 'let' me go out. its that he sees to himself and i see to myself plus 4 kids. if he's watching the kids while im out, he knows they need food/drink/nappies changing.
but if im in the house, he goes into what i call default mode. im in charge of the kids and so therefore he doesnt think about nappies/drinks/food.
the difference is, i make it known in no uncertain terms how wrong he is about everything
he has improved no end, since we first had children. i think the fact that i already had a child made him think, i know better than him. but the majority of it, i think, is that he is a selfish, self centred pig at heart and just didnt doesnt see it.
he had a rare day off last week and had a lie in. i have to get up for school run of eldest. so after that, i went back to bed with the baby and left him with other 2 toddlers. i slept for 3 hours.
cue a face like thunder which i ignored until he couldnt contain it any longer. 
he asked me if i thought that when he has a day off that means he can help me!
went on about all the things he had to do (bank, sort insurance, pay bills etc)
W H E N ' S M Y F U C K I N G D A Y O F F ?
was my screaming retort.
and a much calmer- who gives me time to do my list?
why does your list of things supercede my list of things?
why is everything to do with you, more important than anything to do with anyone else?
and my parting shot was that when he gives a fuck about me, im prepared to give a fuck about him.
he came to me later and hugged me from behind and said 'do you hate me?' in a humble way, so i think he got my point.
whether you can get your oh to see your side of it, or not depends on him really.
my dp is a pia but i wouldnt consider him an abusive person.
i do agree though that if you threaten someone and then dont follow though, you've lost the chance to gain some control/ respect back.