Caught up with an old friend last night and she is desperate to split up from her DH of 14 years. They have 4 DC's aged 14,13,7,4
There is no DV but he is very emotionally abusive and controlling of her and the children. She wants to leave but has so many questions and is so frightened that she doesn't know where to start. So I am trying to help as much as possible such as finding out what benefits she may be entitled to etc.
The problem is that he controls all of the finances (she doesn't even have access to the child benefit payments) and he also monitors her every move include her access to the internet.
She is prepared to take the time needed to carefully plan her exit strategy over the next few months and wants to have everything in place before she confronts him.
So any advice would be very much appreciated at this stage.
One important question is regarding the house. Once she tells him she wants to seperate then his behaviour will quite likely become unbearable so she will want to be away from him asap.
Can she make him leave? Or will she have to move out with the girls? They have their own home but it might be in his name only (not 100% sure of this though) - will this affect things?
Is there anything else I can tell her? Any advice?
I have suggested she sets up a hotmail account and also her own private online bank account and also that she gets hold of all of her documents and also for the girls (passports, birth certificates etc) so that she has these incase she needs them (as he may try to confiscate them) and also to think about copying all of his bank staements so that she has eveidence of his earnings (he has a main job plus also does a fair bit of handyman type stuff on the side) - would this be helpful in the event of calculating his maintenence etc?
I have also advised talking to a solicitor ASAP and also CRB re benefits.
I know that a lot of you lovely ladies have sadly been through similar in the past so any advice that you could share would be very greatfully received.