My boyfriend has a child. Should I have done anything for father's day?

[madonnawhore]

That, really. We've been together for over a year and a half but don't live together. He went off on a business trip yesterday but it was only after he'd gone that I realised I hadn't acknowledged FD at all.

I was staying at his place on Sat and his DD was there too, but I had an event to go to yesterday so left early, before she woke up.

For some reason I feel really guilty about it. I even spoke to him on the phone a few times throughout the day as he was on his way to the airport, etc. but I didn't even mention it then. It just didn't register. Even though I called my own dad of course.

Should I have done something? Like a card? What do other people do when their partner has a child but you don't have one together?

Fathers Day is observed by children. If the children are too small to organise a card, Mum does it. How old is his DD?

Surely up to her mother, if parental involvement was required.

You could be seen to be trying to impose an expectation for his dd's appreciation of her father, which may not chime with the way her mother sees his role. If your help was required wouldn't the mother or the dd, depending on age, have asked for it?

I must admit that I don't see father's day as a big deal, rather as a recent commercial invention, so wouldn't be that concerned anyway.

Not your business to do this, it's up to the mother/child themselves to organise something. It tends to be downplayed in schools, unlike Mother's Day as lots of children have no father around/absent in their lives.

It would be up to the childs mother, or even grandmother to sort this one out.. not you.

If you have been together over four years, then presumably the child is not a toddler and is old enough to have sorted something out, even with the help of a family member.

No, it's up to the child's mother and possibly if the mother won't then maybe the grandmother on your bf's side to sort it out not you, don't feel at all guilty.

Okay phew, thanks!

I don't know if his DD's mum sorted out a card. I didn't see one at his place. Although he did get one last year. I think his DD made it at nursery.

Anyway, thanks for the reassurance.

how old is the child then?

oh ignore me... no wonder i was confused, I read it as you had been together 4 and half years... sorry!

Ha! No worries.

The man i was seeing at the time texted me to say he hoped I was having a nice Mothers Day, which was nice but I certainly wouldn't have expected him to actually do anything about it.

I always find this hard, my boyfriends DS sometimes turns up with something and sometimes doesnt Hes 10 so i think hes old enough to at least ask if he can get a present now, he told me what he was going to get and asked for DPs size so I was a bit disappointed he turned up with nothing.
I just explain to DP and he understands, I did sneakily get a card in Asda tho I couldnt let him have nothing !

it's the child's mother's responsibility until the child is old enough to do it herself

I agree with Anyfucker

Absolutely not your responsibility but a reminder to the children near the time in future years would be okay, - like 'have you sorted a card for Dad/ is Mum helping you with a card/ would you like help or have you got it covered"

But no, no need for you to feel bad.