Did you pull your marriage back from the brink? Sadly in need of a boost here...

[ThingummyandBob]

I've namechanged for this. I've posted about the problems in my marriage before and don't want it to turn into a thread about that. Suffice to say, six months in to dire problems, I'm tryig to keep hopeful but really struggling to do so.

There's no abuse or anything like that. More total breakdown of communication, understanding and it seems goodwill on DHs part (and I'm starting to worry on mine too).

So, how bad did it get for you before you got things good again? Did you ever lose hope and then find out you were wrong? Help me, please. I'm in need of some encouragement.

Hopeful bump

This isn't encouraging...

Hiya - I've just started a thread called 'Marriage struggling...'

Don't know the answer to your question, but sounds like we're in somewhat similar situations.

Just thought I'd show some solidarity. Maybe someone will be along with a magic wand for us in a minute?

Thanks. I had just read your post and thought I was so far from being able to offer advice to you I shouldn't even try.

I'll go and bump you instead

Oh god, it's that bad written down is it

No.

It's just I am not the one to offer advice.

Going to have to go to bed now. Good luck BeechHedge. I'll check back in tomorrow.

I think it depends why you are having problems, it can take a while to get back on track, but in our case, external stresses (money, living arrangements) were really taking their toll and once these were sorted out more and the stress off, it took a few months to break the habit of bickering and arguing. But it depends why you are having difficulties, if it is that you don't really like each other any more, that's harder to fix. Are you in counselling? What do friends and family say?

People are encouraging me but I am losing hope and patience. I don't want to get into it now. I really just want someone to say, 'I felt like you and it was ok in the end,' so I can get up tomorrow and have another go. Which I will do anyway I suppose.

If its a communication issue then yes, please get some counselling before its too late.

When there's an affair I think your gut feeling tells you whether this is something you want to work on or if its just too far gone.

Where there's abuse, once you acknowledge it, you either feel empowered to get out or at least recognise that one day you will do.

In your situation you say that its a lack of goodwill. With that as a starting point, if you both want to remain married there's no reason why you can't get it back on track.

Good luck
xxxx

Thanks. Counselling is what everyone says b ut DH definitely won't. I am!

I think most people's experience is that you can't 'pull a marriage back from the brink' solo. Both parties have to want it to be rescued and, only at that point, can improvements start to be made. If one or both don't want to make the effort then it's far better to go separate ways than to keep flogging a dead horse.

Well if DH won't agree to counselling there's nothing else you can do to save things on your own, so tell him that and start planning your future. If you're already having some on your own use that as an opportunity to talk about yourself rather than the marriage and find your way out with your self-esteem intact. x