Just wondering if anyone had any advice - I'm worried that my lack of confidence in friendship comes off as a lack of interest and that it has soured and continues to sour ones which were really good.
I'm not a "new friends" sort of person - everyone I'd consider myself close to was at school or college with me. When I was in my early twenties (late twenties now) I was dumped horribly by one friend (she sent me an email out of the blue saying I was horrible and never to get in touch with her again) and fell out with another when sharing a flat. I had a bit of a breakdown afterwards (mostly unrelated), and although I recovered in every other respect, I've been left with this permanent awkwardness around my friends. I don't have the confidence to call or skype them. I just find it virtually impossible to believe they'd want to hear from me. I organise meetings by face a little (like once a month). Mostly my friends get in touch first, and I know that they resent that. Its been so long I have literally forgotten how to pick up the phone and say hi how are you and I take rejection like an ignored text, even when I know there are good reasons, really badly. It sounds so stupid that I don't know how to admit it to anyone - I had counselling (6 weeks NHS) last year and it took me five sessions before I built up the trust to tell my counsellor, which was too late to really develop any techniques. DP doesn't know - or he might suspect but we've never discussed it. He doesn't socialise much but also doesn't have an issue doing it. This sounds like such a trivial thing, but it's so isolating and I don't know how to break out of it.