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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trust issues and confidence in friendships

1 reply

daisiessunflowersandtulips · 17/06/2012 08:31

Just wondering if anyone had any advice - I'm worried that my lack of confidence in friendship comes off as a lack of interest and that it has soured and continues to sour ones which were really good.

I'm not a "new friends" sort of person - everyone I'd consider myself close to was at school or college with me. When I was in my early twenties (late twenties now) I was dumped horribly by one friend (she sent me an email out of the blue saying I was horrible and never to get in touch with her again) and fell out with another when sharing a flat. I had a bit of a breakdown afterwards (mostly unrelated), and although I recovered in every other respect, I've been left with this permanent awkwardness around my friends. I don't have the confidence to call or skype them. I just find it virtually impossible to believe they'd want to hear from me. I organise meetings by face a little (like once a month). Mostly my friends get in touch first, and I know that they resent that. Its been so long I have literally forgotten how to pick up the phone and say hi how are you and I take rejection like an ignored text, even when I know there are good reasons, really badly. It sounds so stupid that I don't know how to admit it to anyone - I had counselling (6 weeks NHS) last year and it took me five sessions before I built up the trust to tell my counsellor, which was too late to really develop any techniques. DP doesn't know - or he might suspect but we've never discussed it. He doesn't socialise much but also doesn't have an issue doing it. This sounds like such a trivial thing, but it's so isolating and I don't know how to break out of it.

OP posts:
SoSad007 · 17/06/2012 13:40

Hi Daisie, I didn't want your post to go unanswered. It sounds to me as if you have an anxiety around being in contact with people and interpreting what they might think of you, and having to initiate this contact, even with those who you have know for some time.

Do you have a trusted GP that you could talk this issue through? In order to get some help for this you are going to have to 'feel the fear and do it anyway'. If you get another round of counselling, you could ask your GP to write a letter to the counsellor explaining the situation so that you don't have to reveal it yourself. Then the session could have more impact. Also your GP might be able to suggest some medication to lower the anxiety so that what you learn in counselling has a better effect.

Please start sharing this with someone, your DP would be a good start. There are people who can help you with this, but you are going to have to make the first step and ask for their help. Its good that you have reached out in the internet, now its time to take it the next step and speak to someone in RL about this.

Hope this helps..... Smile

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