I'll try to keep this brief...my parents have just gained a substantial amount of money from a property sale [around £200k]. In the past they have never really given me any financial support - I always had a Saturday/evening job while at home, worked during university, paid rent when back at home briefly. Then I moved out for good, and have been completely financially independent ever since. They did loan me money to buy my first house, but I paid this back within six months. This is all fine, it's taught me to be sensible with money, self sufficient, and have a good work ethic.
The plot has thickened a bit since we had our two DC - they have offered absolutely no childcare at all, not even the odd night of babysitting while DC asleep, not even a day once a year. Again, all fine - not ideal, but they are not obliged to help.
Also relevant, I think, is the fact that we [ie. me and Dh] are very supportive to my parents - we advise them, help them out, give them ALOT of time with their grandchildren although they offer no help with them. They are also very quiet and bit socially awkward, so they are not that easy to have around. But we love them, and they are family, and the DC adore them.
Anyway, since they have acquired this money, they have, fairly lightly commented that they will pay, within the year, for an extension we plan to make to our house [which we genuinely need if one of our DC is not going to have a tiny boxroom bedroom until he/she is 18]. We can pay for this ourselves in around five years time, and planned to do this.
We have refused this offer each time it was made, as it is not the usual dynamic in our family for us to accept financial help from my parents - and also, as the offer has been made so casually and lightly, it would have felt very grabby to immediately throw ourselves on it and grab it IFYWIM? Anyway, the offer was made around four months ago now, and there has not been a peep since. And I can't deny that DH and I are feeling a bit resentful and awkward. We NEVER would have thought in a million years that my parents would offer us this much money, and had never bargained on it. But now that the offer has been made, we do feel it would be bloody nice for them to follow up on it. They know that we are not grabby people, and we have always managed on our own. But now, since they have a fairly huge amount of money that they didn't have before, they could, really afford it. And it would be a nice gesture that would benefit our whole family and their grandchildren.
We know we are absolutely not entitled to this gift, and it's their money to spend as they wish. They have worked hard all their life. But, i just wish they'd never made the offer, however lightly! It's made things really tricky. I feel sure the offer is now off the table because they have since made much smaller offers - eg. we'll pay for the DC's winter coats, DS's karate lessons etc. All of this is lovely and generous, and would have been so wonderful - but it's all been a bit tainted by this underlying knowledge that at one point they were going to make this wonderful big gesture that quite honestly would feel like a reward for DH and I being completely self sufficient and managing with no family help, well, forever really.
Sorry this is a long one, I just need some views on this to help me get my thoughts in order and move forward, because at the moment, it is eating away at me a bit. I've always felt a bit sad that we get neither emotional support, childcare help or financial help from them, and now, as they approach retirement, I know they're going to expect alot from us [they live locally] and i'm sure it makes me an awful person, but I just feel a bit gutted.
Thanks for reading 