OH please someone advise me

[lovelymummy47]

There soo much I could say but I'll try to explain the current. My dh is a mama's boy :(
Been married not very long, our only dd is 6mnth and live 5mins from mil. When he is angry, he can't control it, he ends up abusing me verberly and on few occassions physically.
Yester we had an argument and he packed his clothes and went to his mums house, mil hates me for marrying his some(never been able to understand why) but she was never married and has no idea how marriage works. She constantly uses emotional blackmail to get beteeem me and dh. Lond story short, dh always takes off to his mummys she everytime we argue and to make matters worse, he send me abusive messages calling me all sort of name you can think off. Oh lord am crying coz I stand this behaviour anymore. My mum died when I was soo little and my dad is abroad. I have no family around to lean on :( :( my dad is coming next week to visit for the first time to meet my dh and dd. What do I do, I want him happy when he is around and dh took off yesterday to his mummys she don't know for how long. I feel like just taking my dd and go their she and teel him to grow up!! God he is 28 and I'm younger than him men are perverts. Pls tell me what you would do in my situation. I need advose soonest possible coz I am sooooo confused right now.

Ps sorry for the slight spelling errors. I am just so upset and confused.

At 28 your Dh is responsible for his own behaviour. He is abusive be angry at him
Not your mil.

End your relationship or your children will think his treatment of you is normal.

You deserve more than this

I realy see your point and leaving him has crossed my mind several times but without his financial support I can't make it,I am yet to go back to uni to finish up my pharmacology degree :( oh God help me

Your men are perverts starement seems rather random so I suspect you don't actually mean perverts?

I would think very carefully if you want your life to be like this forever as he won't change unless he has too..

Can you tell your dad what has been going on when he comes? Tell him about what your husband does and how unhappy you are.

I know you want to present a happy home, but just think if this was your daughter wouldn't you rather know the truth and help her rather than have her put on a brave face for you.

You don't have to stay in an abusive relationship, there is help available to you, and it would be so much better for you DD not to be brought up with this going on around her.

I'm confused about the "men are perverts" comment as well. What did you mean?

Eitherway, the stand alone thing is him being verbally and physically abusive. You need to end the relationship now.

Has he always behaved in this manner towards you? When did he last physicially abuse you and what did he do?

Your 'dh' is an abusive twunt and his dm facilitates and enables his appalling behaviour.

As he's left you, you're best advised not to let him back into the marital home. If your marriage took place more than a year ago, you can begin divorce proceedings now.

This may not be what you want to hear but this is is no way for you to live and your dd will be adversely affected if you stay with this pathetic apology for a man.

Thank goodness your dad will soon be here. Please tell him the truth about your marriage. Maybe you and dd can go stay with him for a while when he returns to his home?

Call Women's Aid www.womensaid.org.uk tell them your story, and ask them to recommend local solicitors who specialise in family law and who offer a free half-an-hour intitial consultation.

Don't make the mistake of thinking you can change the nasty piece of work you married because it can't be done.

I partly agree with your advice, he has totally dragged my self esteem down and made me feel I can't support myself without him, it got to apoint where I actually think its true. But that doesn't mean he has the right to abuse me and keep running back to his mums house. All, I want for now ist to try get things working but how do I do it. I feel like giving up but there's somithing hoding me back. How do I stand up to him ?

Give up on him!

He's a DUD.

Things will NEVER work out. EVER.

Call www.womensaid.org.uk today and talk to them. Listen to izzy.

They will tell you what you need to do. and you DO NEED to do it!!

You CAN support yourself. He has a duty to maintain his child. Get legal help and claim what you are entitled to.

entitledto.co.uk is a site that tells you what you can claim.

HappyHissy thank you for the web link, my H is weathy but all he has is under his mum's name. Even the big house we live in, how can I be entitled to anything if at all everything is under mil? They will fight me to death so I get nothin :( that's why I just wnt to finish up my degree and get a proffessional job, something I can fall back into in the worst case scenario. Have you been/know ppl who have been through divorse?

Bet his pension is under his name.... if nothing else....

happyHissy sorry, I just looked at the web page and its about gov support, though it was about divorse¥separation.

Don't worry too much about the assets being in other peoples names, the legal system is used to men trying that trick, he will still have to support his child.

I think you need to talk to your dad when he visits, am sure he would do whatever he can to help you.
Your MIL isn't the main problem though it's your DH, he is abusive.

MrsHelsBels74 I realy think I will have to, but its going to involve a lot of courage :(

It is good to know what benefits you can depend on when you will be supporting yourself and DD without him.

If you need legal advice, speak to your local Citizens' Advice Bureau, or a solicitor.

He really is horrible and you need to get yourself and your DD out.

Come and join us if you like. We can't actually do anything physical about helping, but you'll have a lot of women listening and advising.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1488894-Support-thread-for-those-in-Emotionally-Abusive-relationships-Number-9

If you need a rant, a virtual shoulder to cry on, or some hand-holding, do feel free to drop in, you're more than welcome

I know it will but please remember there are plenty of people on here to hold your hand. People are so supportive on here, you are not alone.

I've never been in your situation so can't offer much, but there's nowhere I'd rather come than MN if I needed help & didn't have a huge RL support network.

Thank you TodaysAGoodDay, do you meet to share issues?

Your absolutely right MrsHelsBels74 . MN has realy boosted my (poor) confidence, its encouraging when I realised I am not alone. I don't have a support network in RL(being an introvert) and a bulling H, its difficult to make friends. MN is great,and you and lots ofother mums here are very kind.

Yes, lovelymummy. We are all in a position of being with an abusive partner or having escaped from an abusive partner. With me it's the latter, and I feel so sorry for others still in the relationship. Do drop in and join us