I'm 47 and with a man I met 6 yrs ago. 7 yrs ago both my parents died, my Mum committing suicide, Dad unexpectedly 6 weeks later. My Mum had bipolar since I was born and I have had numerous sessions of counselling over the years for depression. The general view is that i suffer from low self esteem.
My OH had numerous relationships prior to me and led a somewhat compartmentalised life seeing more than one person at the same time. He has a good job and is a law abiding upstanding person! We met and I became pregnant 8 months later and he said he would leave me if I had it and have nothing to do with it. I went along with this against my better judgement as I was at that point completely alone and didnt think I could cope as a single Mum. A yr later I got pregnant again and told him I was keeping it whatever, but then has a miscarriage. He then decided we should live together- completely changed and got totally committed to me and we bought a house and amazingly at 44 I had my son who is now 3.5yrs.
We have the 'perfect' life. Nice house, sufficient money, both with jobs we enjoy and a healthly son. Why then do I feel so unhappy I could go to sleep and never wake up. I do not love the OH and he is quite controlling and is away a lot with work (which I prefer). He is a bit aggressive and I am forever worrying that my DS will upset him, so by not enjoying swimming for example and then OH gets cross. I stay because it is best for my son to have two parents living together and I realise that at my age it is very unlikely that I would ever find someone else and I am afraid of being alone. And I am afraid I will turn into my Mother and end up hanging myself- I could not inflict that pain on my DS. How an earth are people strong enough to make decisions like this? I just want whats best for my son.