How involved do you get with parents on school run?

[fufflebum]

DC1 has been at school for 3 years and DC2 is starting this Sept.
DC1 is very happy and settled and I say hello to regular parents that I know,however I do not really mix outside of school hours. DC1 has friends over occasionally for tea or odd day out in hols.

Just wondering whether DC1 will miss out? I want to keep my relationships separate from school run but I am aware whole new dynamic coming up when Dc2 starts in September.

What do others do?

TIA

I live in a little village which has a thriving community and most of our (myself and dp) socialising is done within the village be in in the pub or social club or meeting with friends.

I made most of my friends when we moved here 7 years ago and they were mums at the preschool which dc's the same age as dd1. Obviously as I got to know the mums I was introduced to other people in the village so made more friends like that too. Out of my close circle of friends all bar one were made at the school.

The school only has 33 pupils so I know all of the other families to talk to and most of them to socailise with at village events.

I'm struggling to understand the attitude of actively deciding not to socialise with school mums. It's like automatically ruling out a whole group of potential new friends, with whom you already have something pretty massive in common, and who you're going to see on a pretty regular basis for the next few years.

I have a group of friends from my own school/uni, some from work, through DP and other social activities, but I'm always happy to get to know new people, and have made some lovely friends through parents at school. The more, the merrier imo, and certainly while mine were little, they mainly socialised with the dc's of my friends, it was just easier that way.

If you're not interested, I'm sure you'll pretty quickly give off the signals, and nobody will bother you. It just seems a shame. I've never found friendships with other parents to be anything but a pleasant addition to liven up the grind of school runs.

Spot on curlywurly, spot on.

Why do you want to keep your relationships separate OP?
For what it's worth I don't do the school run very often but when I d I smile/speak to everyone. I regularly socialise with about ten of the mums from school and a couple of them have become really close friends. Why limit yourself?

I'm close friends with 1 mum at school, pretty good friends with 4-5 parents and say hi and talk about the weather with the rest. I'm sure it's perfectly possible to keep your relationships separate from school, but why do you want to?

DS is in yr2 and DD is due to start the same school in sept and I have made some good friends through the school so cannot understand why you would not want to tbh.

As a single mum mates, on the school run are a necessity.

I have yet to find a best buddy there though which is odd as my old NCT friends and a neighbour or two are what I think of best friends (in this next life stage - obviously have old friends).

We have some very fun cool mums though - I love doing a "school mums" night out it's really fun.

Just to put the other side of the coin: I've never hobnobbed with a school mum in my life. As far as I know the only thing I've got in common with any of them is that our children happen to attend the same school. It may be as good a way of finding friends as any other, but you aren't morally obliged to take it. Life is stuffed with people you see more or less regularly but are only friendly to in the context in which you meet them, eg shopkeepers or people you see occasionally at work. It's nice to meet them, smile, exchange a few words... and then go back to the other bit of your life where you forget they exist.

I agree 100% with Carly. I've made some lovely friends at the kids' schools and I've loved being part of a network of other parents who would do anything to help eachother out, which is especially helpful as working parents.

At primary school I can honestly say that we always invited whoever the kids wanted round for tea whether we knew mum and dad or not, but I was aware that some parents were unfortunately less likely to encourage invitations to and from the children whose parents were standoffish and refused to engage in the playground. This then had a knock-on effect on the children of those parents. It wasn't for want of trying either. Several of us really persevered with the mums and dads who would put their ipods on the moment they walked into the playground, but got nowhere.

I'd encourage you to be a bit more open-minded about school-gate friendships because although on the face of it, the only thing you might have in common is children of the same age, it's very likely that there will be much more common ground than that, especially if you are of a similar age. The friendships that have stuck for me have been with parents with whom I would have struck up a friendship in any setting, but it's been a fantastic bonus to have met so many lovely people within walking distance.

these posts always smack to me of 'i'll reject them before they reject me' tbh, a bit reverse-needy.

and who honestly could do with fewer friends? i've met some brilliant, brilliant women through dd's school, absolutely love 'em.

No rejection here, I'd love to have coffee with school mums, but I know I'm not alone in dropping and running to work for 9am. I do still have chats at the school gate if I pick them up, and am generally smiley and friendly, but I don't have time to make friends this way. I'm more likely to make friends at work where I spend more time!

Yes, there's some ok mums there I suppose, Aitch

As a working single parent that dropped DS off at breakfast club and collected from after-school club throughout primary I never did the 'school gate' thing and only know one or two of the other families. We couldn't do play-dates except the odd weekend. We also don't live on the big housing estate near the school where 90% of the children are drawn from. I think DS probably did suffer a little socially in the early days but, now he's at secondary school and more independent, he's fine.

Sadly not as much as I'd like. As I work I have to dash in and out. I have a couple of minutes to chat but haven't been able to make close friends. Hence no playdates.

I say hello and have the occasional chat but nothing more.

When dd1 was at primary a couple of mum were constantly arguing and making up. Other mums then started taking sides and it was all quite bitchy so I decided to back off and not get involved.

I am more friendly with some mums when it comes to dd2. We don't socialise but send texts and generally rally round when childcare is needed.

I'm happy with this set up.

lol weegie.

I think DC do suffer a bit socially if their parents don't get to know other parents. Mainly because many people are happier that their DC spend time outside school with families/home set ups that they know and it is just easier to make arrangements for friends coming to tea, etc. with parents you know a little. Less important as DC are higher up in the juniors/high school and able to to play out/make their own plans.

Personally I have made some great friends though the school run. As others have said why deliberately exclude a new friend source, and such a useful one for yourself?