Should i press charges against my dad who sexually abused me?

[ALMOSTSORTED]

When i was 11yrs old my dad started to abuse me sexually,this continuedtil i was 17 and stopped believing it was my fault(he always told me it was my fault and that he couldnt help himself,he was going to kill himself,that mum would crack up if she knew and i would end up in a kids home)and told him i would tell mum or kill him.At this point he started yelling that he would deny it no one would believe me.But he never touched me again.
I didnt tell anyone though apart from a friend and the man who became my husband,and i wouldnt let them say anything either.
I had 2 kids and was super protective of them,he never got near them,but one day i met my cousin in the street and she looked just like me when the abuse started,same age it brought it all back.
I cracked and told my mum...she screamed that i was a liar.But my dad admitted it,well he said hed done it once because "he was angry".Iput mum straight and my dad moved out.BUT SHE LET HIM MOVE BACK IN 3 WKS LATER.
This all happened 7 yrs ago,i tried to forgive my mum and behave normally but itsd eating me up inside.I feel like nothing happened to my dad,i ended up in counselling on anti depressants and with 3 suicide attempts under my belt and he just carries on with life.
Sorry this is so long

Giddy1 and everyone, it is important to remember that if a lot of time has passed it becomes more difficult to prove someones guilt'beyond reasonable doubt', which is the evidential standard magistrates like cod and I have to reach in order to find someone guilty. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't press charges, it just means that you have to be prepared to rake over every detail if neccessary, in order to make your case as strong as possible. Many abusers, faced with someone who is determined to do this, as Giddy was, caves in and admits the abuse. Some will deny it to their last breath, and may be supported in that by their partners, who will regard the accuser as a traitor to the family. That is when the expert support of the police is essential in supporting that abuser in bringing the matter to court. Vitomum, it is not lack of understanding of the'trauma associated with abuse' that makes conviction difficult, it is lack of evidence unless more than one victim is prepared to speak out. Very few of these cases are heard in magistrates courts, as the penalty means they are normally heard in crown Courts. However, what we do see a lot of is iternet child pornography, and speaking as one who feels sick after a recent day in court, Allmostsorted, yes, go to the police and see what they say - no one should ever ever 'get away'with it. Best of luck.

Yes, if you feel so. If you're asking that question, you don't need me or anyone else to answer you. But since you did, yes. Will you get support here? Of course.

sorry, I mean that the expert help of the police in supporting the victim in bringing the matter to court! Tired and fed up.............

I also hope you are okay. I dont have any advice-sorry, but I also consider myself to have been abused sexually. It was a boy in year above me at school. I was 14 when it started and I was very vulnerable- my mum was an alcholic and my dad was both emotionally and physically abusuve. I was looking for some love attention and affection and this boy kept promising to be my boyfriend. Im sorry to barge into this thread as you really need support, but I want to thank you for this thread as it has given me the courage to ask advice on this on mn. I would like to hear what people think abot the situation-would you press charges in my case as it to was many years ago but I think about it every day and feel it is affecting my quality of life.

Callmemadam - just a quick query if you have much knowledge of how the police work (not sure exactly what you do so please don't think I'm being rude!)
The reason I ask is that the supposed 'specially trained officer' I spoke to, said that even if everything my sis and I were saying was true, and that our abuser admitted it, he would still only get community service. Seems shocking to me?

Captaincavemansmummy - I am a magistrate. The reason the police officer said that to you was probably because after conviction, the court will ask for special reports on the abuser to be prepared by the probation service. These consider custody, community penalties (such as punishment orders or rehabilitation programmes), compensation, and his family background, employment etc. While sending someone to prison satisfies our need for retribution, the actual time served is often quite short, and pressures on the penal system means that most abusers never have to confront their problem while they are inside. Community penalties will involve their direct participation in a Home Office accredited Sex Offenders programme, where they have to attend a long programme of workshops and intensive sessions desigened to get abusers to recognise their crime and to prevent reoffending. As part of this abusers also have to complete a victim awareness course. It sounds like a soft option, but its not, as it restricts their liberty while forcing them to discuss their behaviour and its effect on others. It has a lower reoffending rate than that for abusers serving short prison sentences. However, the police officer expressed himself badly, and should not really have discussed sentencing options with you at all, as it seems to have given the impression that he would 'only' get a community penalty, and this had the effect of detering you from pressing charges, which is wrong. If someone is convicted of any offence, by the way, you have a right to make a Victim Personal Statement which is given to the judge or magistrates to read. Does this help?

thankyou very much, that does indeed make more sense! And also encourages me to rethink my decision on whether to persue this longer term (not ready at the moment).
There were 2 officers who came to see me, a lady and a fella. She blurted out that my sis had seen something happen to me of which I have no memory so I wasn't convinced about her 'empathetic approach'. I told her I had no intention at this time of progressing.
She rang me 2 months later to say I had to give her a statement to close her case. I said no way did I want to see her, to which she replied I had no choice, that due to the seriousness of the allegation I had to give them a statement so she could close her case. I refused, saying I had never complained in the first place. Her response was "I'll keep pestering you until you do, and neither of us want that"
I feel this particular person needs some basic tuition in this area!!!
I realise she is nothing to do with you, just felt like ranting.....

Thankyou v. much for replying tho!

i just wanted to say i realy feel for you and bless you,i hope you have all the love&support you need from your kids&partnerxx

Thanks scoobytwo, I have a fab support network, ds is only 21mo but lovely anyway, dh is great and have some brill friends too. And a fab counsellor!

Thankyou for all the advice,it means alot
My friends have told me to put on hold anything to do with my parents as im pregnant and after yet another row with my mum,i started bleeding.
But after speaking(rowing)with my mum,i discovered my dad had not told her exactly what hed done,i think he made it sound like he pinched my bum a few times,well she knows now.But she kept shouting that she doesnt see why she should live on her own.I pointed out that living with a pervert is not life fulfilling.Idont know how she stays with him,if my husband did that to my daughters id rip him limb from limb.
My brother came to see me,first time i had seen him for years,he told me he remembers seeing dad going into my room early in the mornings after my mum had gone shopping,he was so young though that it only made sense later to him what was happening,he told my mum and she cried...but shes still with my dad,i still feel betrayed but i have to let it go til i have my baby,he is not ruining anything else for me

i would say at the moment yes just focus on you,your baby&ds&hubby,but if it still eats away at you after babys born then go for prosecution i know i would&if your mum isnt making him see how wrong he was the law hopefully will
goodluckxx