updated update with EA OH

[vanilla01]

hi guys,
hope you dont mind me rambling again, but it helps me cope by writing it all down and knowing you are all there to help me through. xx

so it all came to a head today, he came home early so we could talk "he had noticed that i wasnt myself" (like not jumping when he said jump etc)

so i started to tell him how i felt, that after years of being shouted at because the kids beds werent made, or the washing up hadnt been done or i hadnt done his bookwork properly or constantly being told what to do or what not to do has finally taken its toll, i told him i was exhausted, a nervous wreck.

i asked him why he felt the need to shout at me and get so angry with me all the time and he replied if he didnt nothing would get done. (in fact he shouted his reply to me).

He said that the only thing for it is splitting up. i agreed. he said lets face it you dont come near me - and havent for a long time - which i replied do you blame me, would you sleep with someone that constantly belittles you.
i dont even like myself - let alone him!!

our "talk" got nowhere as everything i said about how i felt just got turned around to how he felt and how hard he works, and his expectations of how the house and kids should be is how he has been brought up! the bottom line is he doesnt understand the word partnership - its black and white - women in the house men out working and doing what they want.

he goes on a golfing holiday with his mates next week, so i mentioned why is that fair u go away - no kids - just a big jolly - his predictable reply was i work hard and i am entitled to go away once a year with my mates!!

so the bottom line is we are putting house on market and finally splitting. At least i will have a life of freedom to do exactly what i want.

xxx

Get thee to a rottweiler solicitor who specialises in family law.

If you're unable to solicit recommendations from friends/family, give your local Women's Aid service a call www.womensaid.org.uk and ask them to point you in the right direction.

Beware; his sudden interest huffing and puffing over housework won't last and may result in him smashing plates instead of washing them.

Don't be fooled if he appears to become more reasonable once he's understood that if you split he won't be able to torment you appraised of what he's going to lose through divorce. Leopards dont change their spots and he'll revert to his usual overbearing ways should you be guillible enough to agree to 'try again'.

When you feel the need to update please stay on this thread instead of opening more, honey, as it will become a journey of self-discovery that you can readily access should you need to remind yourself of how far, and how fast, you've travelled down the road to liberation.

Its more than two years ago bogeyface, don't think about my old life much, too busy enjoying this one

Thats so good to hear :) and I hope your DD is happy too despite what has happened.

Glad I found the update.

Be careful but make your move -- don't second guess yourself and don't look back. Be prepared to call the police if you feel fear. Your H is a very angry man and thinks he lives in a world where he makes the rules.

Get the absolute best solicitor you can find. Put the word out and get someone who is tough and wants to win.

and thinks he lives in a world where he makes the rules

Thats very true and very chilling. Please please remember what mathanxiety has said OP.

I am thrilled for you! :) :)

Good replies here about future developments and stroppy bossmen. Keep posting, lovey ... and make the most of his holiday! x

great news!

Here you are! I was getting worried.... pls stay on this thread instead of opening another new'un?

This is great news. Now two things:

1. Don't believe his line of "we're splitting up because you're so shit". NO. You have iniated this split (with your non-compliance) as you have realised he's an EA arsehole. Remember that when he's trying to grind you down, make you feel guilty etc. Keep that fabulous emotional distance, keep seeing him for the small, ridiculous man he is.

2. Please listen to what everyone's saying about escalation, protecting yourself, and putting your own plans in place. Remember - splitting is what you want to do. As it doesn't benefit him, he is very likely to be unco-operative, try to talk you out of it, put obstacles in your way. You must must must make the arrangements, cover your arse with paperwork (there's a mental image , and be very prepared to set the dogs solicitor on him when he doesn't play ball. You can and will do it.

Or, indeed