I feel like life is passing me by

[Orchidlady]

Maybe a need a good kick up the backside but just feel so down right now. DP have our issues just kind of ticking along, we are just like flat mates really. I work from home self employed so am very isolated, feel welded to this computer and feel guilty if I don't do a 40+ hour week because of financial pressures. ( feeling guilty taking time to write this really) No holiday booked this year as can not afford it, I simply just don't go anywhere or do anything, other than pilates class once a week. On positive side have 2 lovely sons and a gorgeous grandchild and a nice house( if I can continue to pay the mortgage.) I just feel I am not enjoying life and have constant pressure. I am in my mid 40's and just feel life is passing me by. Sorry I know some people have much worse problems than this and perhaps I am bit depressed. Does anyone else feel like this or am I just being a selfish twat?

I feel like this all the time.

You are selfless, not selfish. You will have to decide for yourself whether you just need a break or if you need to see your GP. Whatever you decide to do recognise you are working bloody hard and that eventually something has to give.

TheBest I think your name says it all rubbish isn't it?

Would downsizing be an option?Even moving to a smaller house in the same area.Though there would be moving costs involved
Does your DP pull his weight financially and otherwise?

AmillionDownsizing is not an option as I can not change mortgages right now, No DP does not pull his weight

Is getting a lodger an option?
looks like you have more problems than 1

too rural I think, good idea though.

I dont think I would rule it out,even if you are rural.More and more people need temporary accomodation,for whatever reasons,especially during the summer.And depending on where you are rurally,people can need it for summer jobs,maybe tourist season?
Putting an ad in the local paper,you would soon find out.
Just thinking it may take a little of the burden off temporarily at least.
Just an idea.

Would houseswapping for a holiday be an idea.
Im starting to think I am of no help to you at all!

thanks for the suggestions, think I need to do a Shirley Valentine ( remember her?)

Sadly,I too, am old enough to remember her!
Sounds like you have hit upon a plan!

I did come up with another useless idea.Would going to a life coach help?Not used them myself,I think some people find them useful.

No your not selfish just bogged down with family and responsibilty, be kind to yourself , life is hard work and sometime we woman take alot on our shoulders, is there a friend you can go stay with for a holiday /break on your own?, or could you go away for a week yourself?, I know it all boils down to money but you sound so nice , and would like to think you have a good understanding friend who would want to help give you a break, please take care of you , you are doing a great job holding it altogether.

I think you need to start going places and doing things. Are there other classes or groups you can join locally (craft, book, dance, exercise?) Can you go to events or on day trips at the weekend? Can you start a project or hobby that inspires you?

Put some fun and meaning back into your life!

Life may not be passing you by. Life is exactly what you make it. You have all the tools to make your life the way you want it if you want it enough. It may not be instant, it often takes time but you have many many options.

Firstly you need to sit DP down and tell them exactly how you feel and get them to start pulling their weight.

Do somethings you want to do rather things you think you should be doing.
I spent many years doing a job i thought I should be doing rather that a job I wanted to do, 12 years ago I changed that and though its taken a long time I am now so much happier now that I ever was. i am late forties and have a 3 yr old dc.

Though it may seem that everyone else is out there enjoying there exciting lives. you do not know what goes on behind closed doors. How much debt they have, how crap they feel when they are say alone on the sofa.

You can do something about your situation it just seems that you cant. Whan you are stuck in the rut life can be very dark and grim but believe me things can and will get better. You have the power to change things.
Its your life. You are a good strong person. You dont need to run/live it for the sake of other people.

Good luck.

Pilates is good for the body, so do something for your mind. can you join a book group. DP did that several years ago and found that a huge social life developed out of it, making friends for pub visits, meals, even cheap weekends away. Half the time in that group is spent on the book, the rest is just social chit-chat, good for the soul.

What about getting a permanent position, more financial security, might be better paid, depending on what you do. hopefully a bit more social and you'll have to take 4 or 5 weeks holiday a year.
Why are you struggling financially, it sounds like your children are older? Is there anywhere you can make cut backs?