Do you find you get fed up and unable to tolerate so many people

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

As some of you know, I have had counselling for quite a long time. Before counselling I was very much a people-pleaser and would tolerate anything as long as it meant people would be my 'friend'. I have really laid down boundaries now and just will not tolerate being treated badly, but I find that so many people annoy me, I am unable to tolerate a lot of people and I have ended up relegating a lot of 'friends' to the role of acquaintance. And I just wondered if anyone else feels the same?

During the course of the counselling I did fall out with a few people who had just been completely taking the piss and didn't like the changes in me but I am finding it more and more easy to just phase people out when they treat me badly or do something I don't like.

For example, I've started seeing one person in a very different light for the past few weeks, someone I'd previously considered a friend, but I've found out she has been stirring a lot. She also makes comments with a sting in the tail, which I've really started to notice a lot, and is quite short with me on occasion, ie she takes her moods out on me. So I've decided not to tolerate that and have pulled away.

I've also taken the decision to 'ditch' my best friend from school, as she is very domineering and has also tried to boss me around a lot and got irate when I won't do as she says. I guess all my teen and adult life I just went along with her plans and did as she said (which wasn't always nice things, such as be horrible to others at school then she would deny knowledge and involvement), and now she doesn't like it that I won't. Reflecting on the past she has done a few horrible things too, such as really control me when we were at school, turned others against me and even when she got married she chose another friend as her bridesmaid and didn't even invite me to the wedding, yet still claims I'm her 'best friend'. So I've pulled away from her too. I've since got in contact with another schoolfriend that I almost felt I couldn't see as my 'best friend' and her fell out 5 years ago.

I guess the point of this thread is that I just find that there really aren't many people that I like these days. My sister gets on my nerves as she's always spoken to me badly, mums at the school that I used to consider friends I just find irritating. I have a friend who lives a couple of doors away and I feel in the past year I've seen her for what she is too, i've not fallen out with her but I just can't be bothered with her iykwim. I've probably only got about 5 people, including DH that I consider my inner circle and never think anything negative about.

My counsellor says it's because i've set lots of boundaries and it's good that I've discovered who I am, and I am happy with how things are, I just wonder if I'm some kind of intolerant oddball? Which is fine if I am

Yes Hex you sound pretty healthy to me.

As I have gotten older my social circle and social life has shrunk massively, (am 42) partly becuase life is so much busier now with kids, but also because i tend only to make an effort to stay in touch with a meet up with friends who i really like and trust, which is only around 4 or 5 too.

I used to make HUGE efforts to keep in touch with old school friends, college friends, old work colleagues etc until eventually i realised that most of the effort was coming from me, and i stopped bothering.

Also with age, i have become less tolerant of pretentiousness, bullshit, insincerity and the like, so that has meant i have whittled down circle of friends quite a lot.

I dont think theres a right or wrong amount of friends or social interaction you should have.

I used to feel under so much pressure to keep things going with 'friends' and really wanted everyone to like me. It finally clicked with me that they werent worth it when I found that I felt really crappy after meeting up with them and I realised I would have been alot happier if I had been on my own with a good book!

I had councelling for that and other things and I think I've come to the conclusion that Im happier with less people in my life. I have my DP plus one friend that I see maybe once a month. Theres also one that I talk to alot but shes moved away so only see her a few times in a year if Im lucky. I dont get along with my family so decided I dont really want them around either.

I've decided I like my life without all the drama and havnt felt happier since dropping most of the people I had around me.

I can relate. I find that people just get on my nerves more and more and it's really hard for me to properly give a stuff about them since I've started counselling. I'm too much in my own head atm.

I'm moving soon though so can start afresh I hope.

Wow, thanks for all the replies everyone! Great to know I'm not alone and that lots of you are benefitting from counselling too.

It's interesting too how many of us that were people-pleasers had toxic friends at school. I guess toxic friends zoom in on that kind of personality as they are easier to manipulate. My 14 year old daughter has formed a friendship with a couple of girls like that at school and I can see old patterns forming from when I was a teen so I am gently trying to direct her into other friendships and to meet friends through school clubs so that she has something in common with her friends. My 'best friend' used to say things to me like 'everyone asks why I hang around with you and why you're my friend but I will always like you', and things like that were unwittingly in my mind until I'd had the counselling, when they came to the forefront and I realised what an arse she was.

Also I think those of you are right that say that I just don't have the emotional capacity to accommodate many people right now.

Someone hit the nail on the head when they stated 'enhance your life' yes if people don't do that for me then I don't bother but I think that is just part of being more comfortable with who we are and not needing the approval of others.

However it is quite astonishing how few people meet more than the mere contact or acquaintance level of friendship I prefer something more rewarding and meaningful which sadly there is all too few of these days (or is that just me!) .....

No, no definitely not just you equinox; I find people I get on well with but it rarely leads to me wanting to have them as a close friend. There was one potential new 'friend' fairly recently and we got on well and I started to think we could be very good friends, but she got very needy, and it wasn't just over one thing, it was crisis after crisis, and not terrible ones either, just things that she perceived as a crisis, and I thought 'sod this'. So I have now been keeping my distance a little from her too and trying to cool things off as I can't handle taking on someone else' problems unless I really care deeply for them.