My mother doesn't care

[KautoStar]

My mother has never been there for me. She has always done everything for my younger sister who lives over the road from her. I moved away from home when i was 17 and thats always been my mothers excuse 'you're too far away'. She has only ever babysat her grandchildren about half a dozen times and i've suffered depression in the past because of the way they treated me.

I'll give you an example, and i'd like to ask if im in the wrong here, but she didn't see it as a problem to come over to my house with my sister on my birthday to see me, and then buy my sister lunch and not me....i had to buy my own! My sister is on benefits see and has been all her life, i've always worked so its a case of i don't need it. This is not about the money by the way.

I questioned her about it and not once did she see it as a problem. Am i going mad? Also, my husband was in afghanistan for 6 months, they came over to see me once in that time and then there was no contact from them after that because i was unhappy that my dad wouldn't help with the garden so they blanked me coz i said something. They never contacted my kids either.

What would you do in my position? Any advice would be great

Before making any other comment, can I just ask how often you go to see her, or initiate contact? I only ask because in your post it does only mention them coming to you.

Clearly your sister is 'the younger needy one' and you are 'the older capable one'. This will colour a huge amount of the way you are treated by your parents. Rather than not caring, they may not think you want help or visits. They may think you prefer your own space. I have a younger brother and experience some of the same thing. It is always 'poor DB' and they charge in like the cavalry when he gets in a scrape entirely of his own making... I am the sensible one that copes. Then again, I would rather chew off my own arm than admit I'm in a pickle! Maybe if we both presented ourselves as a bit more vulnerable, we'd get more attention :)

You were unhappy that your dad did not help with the garden?

If you need a gardener get a gardener.

Good luck with this one.

Can you explain the garden thing in full? Because you getting huffy because he won't garden for you sounds a bit precious, but I am sure that's not what you mean.
I am like you. I am the one that copes, I am independent and keep my problems to me. Me and dh share everything, but I don't share with mum or dad. Dbro is the one that everyone rallys round. Always. Mum and dad still pay his council tax even though he and his wife both have decent paid jobs. Mum and dad know everything about them from finances, to arguments, to where they are every minute of the day. Sil likes this as well. I think they both like the attention.
I would rather shoot myself in my leg than be dependant on mum to sort out arguments, money for me.
This means dbro 'gets more than me'. Because he 'needs more help than me' tbh I like it that way.