Tips for keeping things fresh :-)

[slatternlymother]

For those in long term successful relationships; how do you keep the spark there against the humdrum of everyday life?

I love DH like there's no tomorrow, and he loves me back. We've been together 4 years, married for 3 and have a 1 year old little boy. Sometimes I worry we don't have sex enough. It's about twice a week. And it is great, but before ds we used to do it nearly every day.

My best friend has been with her dp for 15 years, and they don't have children yet. She told me they do it probably once a month now, it's more like being best friends. Is this inevitable?

I think that after you have children its unfair to compare the amount you used to have sex. DP and i used to have sex 3 times a day, and now i have a DD i cannot even imagine where i found the time!

I dont think it ever has to get to once a month, but i think everyday with a little one to look after is unrealistic.

Do people take holidays with just their partner much? We haven't done, didn't really want to leave ds (we both felt sorry for him )

I think it's normal not to want to go on holiday without your child. Half the fun of going on holiday is having a relaxed time as a family.

As for keeping things fresh, I think definitely making the effort to ensure you have sex at least once a week is worth it. I don't mean having sex when you don't want it, more just making a conscious effort not to let it get lost among the other stuff of life and making an effort to go to bed early so that you're both awake enough to want it and enjoy it.

But apart from that I think it's important to realise that your partner will change over the years. It might only be in small and subtle ways but it still important to keep learning about each other and being interested in one another. I think a lot of couples fall into the trap of assuming they know everything about each other and becoming bored. You know you're in that trap when you start saying things like "But you don't like that!" to your DH or making decisions without consulting him because you think you know the answer. You always have to see your partner as a separate person with their own wants and dreams that can change in quite significant ways over the years. Simply asking questions like "What do you think of..." can keep things fresh because the answer can surprise you.

Hi - re holidays, no, most people do not holiday without their LOs - not at the age of 1!!! Ours were 3/4 before they stayed one night away from us, and that was with gran and granded. I wouldn't like to do a holiday away from them, and they're 5 and 8 now!

sex twice a week sounds fine - as long as you're both happy, what's the problem??

Twice a week?

I'm in the same situation in terms of length of marriage, age of DC. Twice a week sounds pretty good to me!

Obviously I need to be reading this thread...

Presumably you're pretty young and your friend who has been married 15 years is rather older than you. As you get older together, there does come a point where sex is less of an Olympic discipline and more of a nice excuse for a lie down :) As long as your needs stay compatible, it isn't a problem. It's when one partner wants it three times a day and the other is happy with CofE (Christmas and Easter) that things can get tricky.

I think its not just about how many times you have sex but small things aswell i.e. a kiss when you make breakfast together, a small note, touching, singing a song, a text that doesn't involve dcs etc. I like dressing up to go out and i like being with many friends/family around and then finally getting in the car alone.

We haven't been holidays alone, we cant. only weekend away.

I've been with my DP for 4 years and I have to say, it is the goo that is the glue for us. No, it's not the only thing that keeps us together, but it is the one thing that draws us so intimately close. I just love that magic place of mind warping orgasms that we escape to most nights (and sometimes days). It is very rare that either of us is not interested in sex when the other is, though it does happen from time to time. Even when it's the wrong time of the month we're still intimate, just in other ways that don't involve penetration.

A good sex life makes up 10% of a good relationship.

A bad sex life counts for 90% of that relationship.

I've never heard of any relationship breaking down because they were having good sex. People leave when there is no sex, or bad sex. Even if I'm tired I make the time for my partner, because of how it makes me feel. It's better than a spa day of pampering!

We do have children in the house (my children not his). One is not quiet a teen just yet. We sometimes arrange for him to be baby sat every so often so we can go off for a night or two on our own as well as going away on family breaks. My children have become so calm and secure since I've been in this relationship.

I'm not a young buck, but I have never been loved this much and I've never had life this good. I always thought "happy ever after" was all just fairy stories, or that it would wear off with the daily grind, but it doesn't. Not with us so closely intertwined!

I was married twice before to men I didn't want to constantly be having sex with and I had a list full of reasons why it was so. A long day of work. Kid's tired me out. Didn't sleep to well the night before. You name it, it was an excuse to go to sleep without intimacy.

I couldn't imagine being like that with my current DP. Like I said, I love our magic place. It's the way we unwind at the end of the day. It's how I know him and I are on exactly the same page. We're two parts of the same thing. He's my everything.

The odd meal and/or night out together. We are going out this Sunday and we are already excited to have one another to ourselves for an evening!

Holding hands, kissing. Cooking a meal together is nice, even making the bed can be fun sometimes. We shower and bath together regularly. Talk a lot, laugh a lot. We have sex 2 or 3 times a week (occasionally twice a day!!). It's very much about being comfortable and intimate, enjoying each other as much as possible.

We've been together 17 years.