Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Wasted four years of my life

10 replies

Sheep69 · 13/06/2012 07:43

Been with my STBXH for 25 years. First 20 years were fantastic. 5 years ago he got promotion with led to him having quite a 'high profile' job. That's when things changed, always in meetings, staying in hotels instead of coming home, total personality change, guarding his phone, always texting (his chairman-yeh right). Yep, you guessed it was having a 'relationship' of some sort with a woman at work.

3 years ago he moved companies in to an even more 'high profile' job. After a few months same pattern started again and hey guess what he was having a 'relationship' with a woman at work!!

I tried talking to him on many occasions but obviously I was 'mad, mental, stupid, imagining things', until one day his phone bill arrived with over a thousand texts/calls to this woman at work. As I then had the proof he couldn't deny it. He moved out for a week to decide which one of us he wanted !!!!!

Oh I wasn't I the lucky one....he chose me,!! That was after I 'found' him at her house when guess what....he told me he was staying in a hotel.

Things between us got better for a few months, until I found the secret phone.
Like the silly woman I was, and him promising not to do anything again we carried on.

Anyway, as you've probably guessed, and as assumed but didn't want to believe, the relationship carried on with the other woman at work. He moved out, to be single and do his own thing.........which he had been doing for the last few years anyway.

Guess what....yes I found the OW at his flat!!

He came to my home to see our Dd, we decided to be friends for Dds sake, very difficult for me as wanted to hate him, but couldn't, I would for days then he's ring/text me I'd calm down etc. We got in to a pattern where he'd come and see Dd twice a week, he texted/ring me everyday. He said he wasn't seeing ow, only for a drink as friends every now and again (yeh right).

Anyway, fast forward a year the ow he is not seeing anymore, has actually been introduced to his family and friends. This weekend, which would have been our anniversary he text me to say it was a difficult day for him, so bloody difficult (as I later found out), that he spent the day with OW and his parents (bless him).

He has now been gone a year, in that time I have been through every emotion possible. I woke up Monday and realised any feelings, respect (although I think my respect for him went a long time ago), love for him has disappeared. Every word that comes out of his mouth is a lie.

Today I am seeing a solicitor to start divorce proceedings.

We are both 41 (he has just bought himself a sports car........mid-life crisis)???????????

OP posts:
Spree · 13/06/2012 07:53

Don't look back and I hope you've got a rottweiller of a lawyer

CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/06/2012 07:56

Good luck. It's a pity it's been so drawn-out but, once you get the paperwork underway, you'll get a great sense of being able to get on with your life again.

tallwivglasses · 13/06/2012 09:00

It may feel like four years wasted but you gave him every chance to redeem himself. Perhaps you had to go through all that to realise that you've lost all respect for him.

You're only 41!!! I envy you Smile

(Is he growing a pony tail to go with the sports car?)

doublecreamwitheverything · 13/06/2012 11:11

good luck from me too. he has messed you around. but you've taken back the power now.

keep it up!

CrispyCod · 13/06/2012 12:59

You're 41, you're still so young. Keep yourself busy, try to see friends more and make the most of your social life. Soon that insignificant twat won't feature in your thoughts. You've had a lucky escape imo, you could have still been with him into later life and then you would be thinking you really had wasted those years.

Butterflygp · 13/06/2012 13:04

Its time to start your life again DONT waste any more time.
He is the looser and you deserve a love that is ture and lasting.
good luck :)

Sheep69 · 14/06/2012 06:15

Had a good meeting with the solicitor yesterday. Got things moving with the divorce. I can't believe how good I feel to be getting rid of the man I loved so much. But then again I can't believe he has done the things he has done, you think after 25 years that you know someone so well but actually I don't know him at all anymore..

OP posts:
rosemarie1 · 18/06/2012 14:40

Going through similar issues Sheep, after 24 years together and him begging me to stay with him 4 years ago. Its funny because the things he is doing now I can quite understand him doing, I was just fooling myself to think he wasn't like that!

BelieveInPink · 18/06/2012 14:48

Good luck Sheep, he is a ratbag.

Does he know you've seen the solicitor? Wonder what his reaction will be/was.

susiedaisy · 18/06/2012 16:40

Good luck op I divorced my exH at 41 years old after being with him for 21 years, you never know what people are capable of, they can always surprise you, move on and look forward to a bright future Smile

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread