So I finally said, "No," and

[WinkyWinkola]

now I'm "a bitch, and full of hatred."

I have a friend who, over the 2.5 years I've known her has always leaned on me (and others as far as I know) for childcare like picking up from school if she's stuck in town etc. We are both sahms.

It got to the stage last year where she was calling me every other day at school run time, saying she was stuck and could I help out again. I eventually distanced myself from her at that time, not wanting a row but was feeling very used. I thought she'd got the hint about that kind of thing.

I've never felt the need to ask other people to pick up my dcs unless it's a dire emergency like my ds1 was vomiting at school and I couldn't leave him to pick up my dd.

Anyway, we are supposed to be good friends - having helped each other through a couple of relationship traumas.

It's kind of started up again though. She's made arrangements to go away this weekend and then asked me to pick up her ds for football (my ds does the same football session). It's all very tight timing as it is, getting my dcs fed and out the door as well as going in the complete opposite direction to get her ds as well.

I told her this and that I really didn't want to be rushing about with my dcs and being 30 weeks pg. But I also told her that I felt she only ever contacted me when she wants a favour. She then called me a bitch and drove off a la Dukes of Hazzard. I texted her to say I'm not a bitch but that I've helped her out an awful lot but that I'm felt like a member of her staff. She has an au pair.

Apparently, I'm "full of hatred" too now I've pointed out how I feel. I was wondering if I was being an unhelpful friend but others have been amazed at how much she asks and how much I've done.

I feel sick and nervous now but I can only see that I've just felt if I didn't say something now, I would end up being resentful again. Except it's blown up.

I will make a prediction that on the holiday she will be as nice as pie. She will pretend that nothing ever happened and will be charming to your DH.

You did the right thing. I'm even more convinced of that now I've heard why she has an au pair, despite being a SAHM and getting you to ferry her kids around.

YANBU (even though we're in the Relationships section)

But I think we are going to have to rebook our holiday elsewhere and lose money. she told a mutual friend this morning that this can never be sorted out and made better.

What a massive over reaction. I think there's something else going on. She's outraged. Dh has asked me just to not make things worse by keeping my mouth shut but we had planned for our dcs to spend a lot of time together on holiday.

The added complication of the holiday sounds like a biggy-I think you should rebook elsewhere, otherwise you will be dreading the holiday.

She thinks that you owe her big time because of the use of her mums holiday home imo.

Friends help each other yes but wouldn´t be expected to inconvenience themselves-unless it´s an emergency.

And cancel the holiday.

She called you a bitch-why would you want anything to do with her?

We've paid for the holiday home. Full rates. Also invited my dad and pil. I don't think we can cancel. Flights booked etc.

Will just have to go and avoid her. We didn't plan to go with them. We told them we'd decided to book it and they decided to go at the same time and stay in a friend's house up the road.

I feel for the dcs. They are very excited about spending lots of time with their pals.

Meanwhile, she is broadcasting to all out mutual friends and more that we have had a row. Why the need to do that?

Your DH is being a drip. Sorry, but his reaction is just to tell you to keep your mouth shut? When you've been shouted at for sticking up for yourself? Not much loyalty on show there.

Rebook the holiday and ignore her from here on out. Your children can be friends at school-it won't matter if they don't see each other out of shool. You shouldn'tt have to accept being an abused doormat just to keep other people (even your spouse and children) happy.

She is over reacting, give it a few days and if and when you run into her just say Hi very brightly with a broad smile, it will show her that you are not as childish as she is.
She does sound like a spoiled brat to me who was probably indulged by her parents and now has a DH who does the same!

Why the need to tell people that you have had a row? My guess would be that she wants those people she tells to then ask why/ what caused it, enabling her to give them her side of the story without you being able to defend yourself or say what actually happened. Just another reason why you were so right in saying "No" to her.

If you can't rebook the holiday then just go along and let your kids play and smile brightly, keeping a civil distance.

She has behaved badly, not you.

She's upping the ante and making more of this because she's outraged at being pulled up on her behaviour. A normal person would look at what you'd said and perhaps realise there was some truth in it and apologise.

Oh well if they won´t be staying with you-and you have other family with you, then you don´t need to see her & her family.

I´d just leave things as they are tbh & wait for her to apologise for calling you a bitch.

Not sure why your husband has told you to "keep your mouth shut"-charming!

Does he mean not seek people out & tell them what has happened or to leave it with regards to saying nothing more to her?

If it´s the latter I agree with him tbh.

Yes. He means just don't add fuel to any fire. It's just unnecessary.

Could she be having an affair? why ELSE would she be consistently late back and so hell bent on a weekend away?

trust your instincts, remain calm and bemused tbh, if she is kicking off this badly, let her, just shrug and say you can't be in all places at once.

you must go on hols. don't back out now.

you probably won't see her because she'll be avoiding you. she sounds like a plonker.

"Yes. He means just don't add fuel to any fire. It's just unnecessary."

Do you have "form" then?

Ha ha. No form. He just thinks she's a bit mad. And erm. Yes. Weird. She's trying to save her marriage after a small indiscretion.

I have no problem with you saying "no", but the comment about "you only contact me when you want something" might have been a bit inflammatory, and perhaps is why she is so upset. (Especially if it's true )

I mean if she knows it's true - not doubting that its what you feel.

But if a friend said that to me, I would apologise and be really upset that they felt that way and try to make her feel better. Not call her a bitch, storm off, try and involve other people in the row which is what is happening now.

But not if it were true, perhaps?

Right - so it's her mother's holiday home, which she books out to people, and you have paid full rates? Well, then, you're going, aren't you? No favour has been done. Don't allow any doubt to enter your head on that - or bring it up in conversation. It's just happening - you're a paying customer like any other. Presumably she was just going to come along too? Well, she can either do so or not. Up to her.

You don't need her as a friend. Trust me, you don't. Because she's not actually your friend, she's using you as her friend. Would she do all that stuff you've done for her, for you? Thought not.

As Josie says, she's not a friend.
You are just a stand-in for jobs that her au pair can't do.

And I still predict that when you go on holiday this will never have happened.

People like her always turn things round to try to make others' look like the bad guy, in order to justify their behaviour to themselves. I'd ignore her in future and forget about her, she sounds a total user and you are far better off without her

Did I read this right? You booked a holiday and she attached herself to that? Definitely don't cancel. I think you'll have a better holiday in the long run without her there anyway.

At 30 wks pg you need to be putting yourself first. I hope your dh will support you fully - the quiet life is all very well but that allows others to take advantage of you sometimes.