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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dont want mil to look after dd....

12 replies

lostsoxs · 23/02/2006 15:20

My mil is coming to stay with us for a week in few weeks and dp wants her to look after our dd for the day whilst i am at work. dd normally goes to nursery 1 day and my mum has her the other. dp initially suggested dd did not go to nursery but his mum had her. I said mil could have her to give my mum a break. However, now i have thought about some of the things she has done recently and i really dont think i can trust her to look after dd exactly how i want her to. For example, mil wont play with dd, just try and sit her on her lap and try and read her paper, often holds hot coffee whilst trying to hold dd.
This makes me
I have spoke to dp about the coffee situation and recently about the fact mil needs to interact with dd. i feel like i am constantly nagging him or her but i dont feel comfortable that she doesnt seem to bother.
Any one got any tips? I am thinking of doing a day plan for her to follow, is this unreasonable?

OP posts:
melissasmummy · 23/02/2006 15:28

A years or so ago I helped a friend out for 3 days a week. My aunt & uncle in law had DD one day a week.

I wrote out anything that I would expect them to do, inc where hot cups of tea/coffee should be put, when to change her nappy, feed etc etc. (they have never had children, although are v good with her)

It was all obvious stuff, but they respected the fact that DH & I needed to make them aware of what we did/didn't want them to do. We never had a problem with it at all. But I do think she should interact wuith her better, ask her to read her a book she likes & not the paper.

Have you thought of popping out for an hour or so on a day you don't work, just to make sure you know everything will be ok?

eefs · 23/02/2006 15:29

I can understand why you are concerned but I think you need to relax - if she has for the the day she will interact with you DD. how else will she feed her, get her to nap etc. It would make her happy and your DH happy too.

WeepingRicotta · 23/02/2006 15:29

Doesn't sound like she'd really be all that keen to have her all day anyway. Whose idea was it that she did?

fruitful · 23/02/2006 15:32

You need to sort out the safety issues. Does your MIL just not realise, or does she think you are being silly and so is ignoring your wishes (coffee etc)?

The interaction - well, if your dd wants interaction she will make her needs known, won't she! Its not as if it will be a regular event.

But does your MIL want to do it, or just feel she should?

Original poster
lostsoxs · 23/02/2006 15:47

Thanks all for the input - good ideas re the book instead of paper etc. I was thinking of a list for pointers etc but has she has had 4 children herself, i feel a bit daft iykwim! (also my bf had her over night a couple of weeks ago and doesnt have any children and i didnt do a list or anything for her)
I think she must have forgotten about the safety issues. I feel like i am nagging her and really dont want to! I know it would make dp happy (and ultimately mil) and that's why i am reluctant to call a halt now on the suggestion she has her.
dp asked her to look after our dd and she said she would. she is not over keen but doesnt seem to mind.
She is looking after DD the first day she is here so i dont have the option of a trial run!

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 23/02/2006 19:14

Why is DP so keen for her to do it?

Original poster
lostsoxs · 23/02/2006 20:46

HM - cos he thinks she doesnt see dd enough and that my mum sees her alot more. (possible too much in his opinion) he moved away from birthtown (200 miles)and although we do go and see visit we literally cannot go all the time. we probably see her every 6 weeks or so - we go there or she comes to stay with us. Either way, i cannot relax!!

OP posts:
FarTooAshamedToAdmitMyName · 23/02/2006 20:59

I think you must instinctively not trust her and should follow your gut feeling on this, it may seem obvious to you (e.g. writing out a list of do's and don'ts) but that's better than any alternative where you end up falling out over something you wished you had discussed earlier.

Don't want to scare you but my sister had huge reservations about her MIL -her dh assured her all would be fine. Who let her dd eat about 25 vitamin C tablets whilst in her care for 2 hours?

The stupid cow even had the nerve to then say what's the problem she wanted them and it's like her eating a few oranges, then continued to say to anyone who would listen how she raised 4 healthy boys!

bran · 23/02/2006 21:01

Does you mil get on with your mum? Perhaps your mum could pop round for coffee and a chat in the afternoon and offer to take dd to the playground or whatever to give your mil a break.

Original poster
lostsoxs · 24/02/2006 12:13

FTATAMN - thanks for worrying me a bit more!
friend has also worried me - she said her mil has just tipped hot coffee over her dd when she was there.
Good idea Bran - will run it by my mum - she knows i am not keen on the idea.
i have decided to leave a few notes, dp thinks i am OTT but i told him it was for my own peace of mind. He cant argue with that.

thanks all for input

OP posts:
Caligula · 24/02/2006 12:35

I would lay the law down about the hot drinks, tbh. That's a safety issue and it's non-negotiable.

Caligula · 24/02/2006 12:35

I'd be tempted to hide the kettle.

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