Go down to the next post - No need to reply to this one thankyou. Just need to get it out my system.

[mypuppyisbeautiful]

Was told a over week ago by someone to my face that I have no good in me, no positives. I drove an hour & a half to see him to try & patch up a fight & within 20 seconds I left because of what he said, he didn't even encourage me to stay so we could sort it out. In fact he thinks I went to check up on him.

I've put up with it for 5 years. When things are great they're really really great. When it's shit & he puts me down, I never want to see him again. I can't see him again after everything he's said.

I don't know how to break the cycle. Tried being just friends & it doesn't work. Tried the "all or nothing' thing & that doesn't work either.

Sometimes I don't like him but I love him. I don't care about him but I want him to stay safe. He's mentally abusive but he's sometimes fond of me. He ignored my communications but moans when I didn't initiate contact.

That's not acceptable. I don't have these issues with anyone else. It's so wrong that he's addictive.

If you 'just wanted to get it out of your system' there are other ways than posting on a public forum.

You may have tried the 'all' but I suspect you've yet to try the 'nothing'.

The best way to break an emotional addiction is to go cold turkey. Delete him from phone/email/FB etc and if you find your thoughts wandering in his direction, replace them with thoughts of other people/events.

People who treat you like shit are often addictive. You get a massive rush when they are lovely, after the despair of the abuse. It is the 'rush' that becomes addictive.

This is not love. Love is reciprocal. He sounds like a massive toss barnacle with a penchant for fuckwittage.

Stop wasting your life. You only get one.
Leave the bastard and find a man who treats you well all of the time.

Sympathies, I've been there and it is like an addiction.

Fwiw what helped me was really looking hard at myself to see why I allowed myself to be treated that way. It was the old 'self esteem' issues I'm afraid. Stemming from a mother who treated me much the same way. I was looking for external validation that I really deserved to be loved, and when he was loving that relief was amazing. The only way I turned it around was working on those issues, identifying my good points, acknowledging my bad points and accepting myself for who I was.

It was hard, and painful, and I did it while still being in contact. Once I accepted that actually I was an ok person, the 'validation' of the good times didn't have the same effect because I could see that actually that should be how you treat someone you care about all the time. It stopped being my problem and became his.

Not sure if this will help at all but just don't be too hard on yourself x