4 months pregnant but in love with ex

[mapleleaf86]

I am four months pregnant with my boyfriend's baby but I'm still in love with my ex. I have tried to forget about him but I just can't and have recently made contact with him again. Please tell me how I can move on?

Oh dear OP well you should start really i guess by deciding whether to have the baby or not on your own as it isn't at all fair to stay in a relationship with your boyfriend if you have strong feelings for another is it?

So, could you see yourself on your own with a baby?

wait a minute, your 4 months pregnant so a termination isn't possible is it?

Didn't you know this before you fell pregnant?

No I'm 17 weeks so too late for that. The pregnancy wasn't planned but I thought if I focused on DP and the baby I could forget about him but I can't get him out of my head.

You need to be an adult and make up your mind what you want.

Then you need to be honest and fair with all concerned.

What is your plan with regard to contact with the ex?

How old are you by the way sweetheart?

You can't bury feelings. However I would urge you to spend some time on your own. You ex is an ex for a reason and it sounds as though your heart isn't in it with the current bf so please take some space to focus on you and the baby.

Why is your ex your ex? I mean, what were the reasons for your breakup?

I only say this because I've had a bit of a chequered past and had my baby at 35 with an almost sort of sperm donor when i look back so im not asking to condone your actions only to help.

you have to stop making contact with your ex firstly

Well there are two seperate issues here: one is the father of your baby. If he has major faults or you are just not that into him, you don't have to stay in a relationship with him because you are PG. It's perfectly OK to be co-parents rather than a couple and, if the two of you are basically nice people who can put a child's interests first and agree to co-operate, that's far better than trying to force a couple-relationship to endure when neither of you is really happy with the idea, even more so when one of you is in love but the other was already wanting to end the relationship before the PG happened. Better to separate cleanly than end up hating each other.
As to the XP, like I said upthread, why did you split? If he dumped you for someone else, he would probably do so again. If you dumped him for violence/alcoholism/uselessness, what makes you think he's changed?

We only split because of the distance between us and we were unable to spend a lot of time together. There was no big falling out or anything. I didn't realise until it was over how much I would miss him. Tonight we spoke for the first time in 6 months and it was like nothing ever happened.

But I feel like I owe it to my baby to give a relationship with the father a try even though my heart's not really in it. I realise I must sound awful. I feel horrible about it and I can't live like this.

I'm 19 and so is my boyfriend. My ex is 25.

Feel for you mapleleaf!

I still love my ex but I also love my current partner. Love isn't always enough and that's why it didn't work with my ex. But when I see or speak to him I then miss him terribly.

I don't believe there's a right or a wrong here (it would be so easy if there was!). Lots of grey areas.

I wonder though if the feelings for your ex will wane the longer you go without taking to him.

Others will say differently but I don't think it's the worst thing in the world to still love your ex and wonder what could have been, as long as you also love the one you're with.

What does your gut tell you to do?

You don't 'owe it to your baby' to try to maintain a couple relationship with a man you don't feel abiding romantic/sexual love for. The ex-boyfriend is a bit of an irrelevance, really: I think it's quite likely that you are aware that the father of the baby is not a good or desirable partner (at least, not for you) but you are looking to this XP as a kind of 'rescuer' because if you leave your babyfather for your True Love Soul Mate and all that crap, that's a 'good' reason. This is rubbish. XP might well be a nice chap and make a good partner for you, or he might be undesirable, as well - but it's perfectly all right to end a relationship that you are not happy in. Even if you are PG by the bloke. Even if you have been married to him for several years and share children with him.
Couple-relationships are not compulsory.

Mind you, what's actually wrong with your babyfather? Is he unkind to you? Shit with money? Lazy and selfish around the house? All these characteristics get worse when there's a new baby around.

Abortion is legal up to 24 weeks so it's still an option, I had one at 21 weeks because I felt it was inappropriate to bring a child into my circumstances like you. It's more complicated than non-surgical procedures and I had to go private, but for me it was the right choice at the time and I am relieved that it was possible. You're very young and you need to be clear about the choices you make now, because if you have this baby it will have a massive impact on the rest of your life.

@Ava7susan BA hahahahaaa ^

Zombie thread.