Need advice, be very grateful....

[scottishhaggis]

Hi everyone.

Here's the background......

My son is nearly 6. About 3 months ago, his Dad came into his life after no contact. Things went well at first. Then I started to feel very anxious and began contacting him obsessively. My anxiety spiralled out of control. I placed my son in foster care. I then spent 2 weeks on a psych ward. Now I see my son a few times a week and have him every weekend. His Dad and I see him together once a week. Getting on okay now with his Dad after a few hiccoughs. A few weeks ago, I lost some money and accused him of taking it :-( I have gone through a few periods where I've contacted him excessively as I've seen him as the person to 'fix' me but getting that under control now.

He has older kids with an ex, at first she didn't like me but then we became friends on Facebook. We had a conversation and it turned out they have quite a tempestuous relationship, but I pointed out we get on quite well. She has deleted me from FB and it upset me a lot, more than it should have done I thnk.

His Dad's brother is seeing his exgf. Last week, I met up with him do kids could see each other. My son's SW has now advised against this happening until my son is back permanently. I know at some point he will be contacting me to see when we can meet again and I will have to tell him what the SW said, dreading his reaction.

His Dad doesn't speak to his brother at all and was adamant I didn't tell him anything about him when we met up. I have an awful habit of repeating myself when we talk and have sought reassurance from him and asked the same questions over and over again. This has caused a few arguments between us, but at the moment I think we're ok.

I am dying to ask his Dad why his ex has deleted me from FB. But that would cause problems as he won't want to get involved in that. I don't handle it very well when people don't like me.

ANY advice welcomed. I am concentrating very hard on my son but this is all weighing on my mind.

PLEASE help

Am prepared for full honesty and reactions.

Thanks for reading xxx

Sorry for your troubles Haggis but Holy God you couldn't make it up.Sorry I'm not much help but hopefully someone else can be.Good luck.Mx.

Deal with your anxiety - i would imagine the wondering about the exgf is part of that? - and concentrate on getting healthy for your son.

I would keep contact with your ex to the minimum required regarding your son until you're strong. Do you have a friend or relative who could advocate for you?

When you said his dads brother is seeing his exgf. Do you mean your as dad is seeing your as dads ex?

Damn auto correct. Do you mean your exs brother is seeing your exs ex gf. Sorry it seemed to get complicated.

I have a care coordinator and awaiting therapy for anxieties.

I am keeping contact with my son's Dad to the minimum, we are travelling down to see him together Wed as it's his birthday. I was going round his a lot for coffee but think we both realised that was unhealthy and that has stopped.

It's def anxiety that is causing me to worry so much about what the mother of his older kids thinks about me. I'm managing not to ask her or him about it.

Has anyone found themselves in even a remotely similar situation.......

Even people reading is helping.......thank you xxx

My son's Uncle (his Dad's brother) is seeing my son's Dad's ex-girlfriend.

It's complicated I know! Lol

My son's Dad doesn't want anything to do with his brother at the moment, understandably so I think

I realise you have a lot of problems and need help and support.

But honestly the only thing that matters here is your son and repairing/nurturing that relationship which you are doing.

Please don't expend energy on worrying about what this or that person thinks of yourand whether people unfriend you on Facebook. As far as I can gather from your post, none of these people should feature in your life and none have any connection to your ongoing relationship with your son.

Thanks Proudnscary, you're very right and Facebook (I understand the sigh completely!) is a PITA sometimes!!

I've always been a bit of a worrier but as this situation is very new and unexpected it's hit me like a tonne of bricks!!

The only people that matter is my son and I......and obviously his Dad. I will have to have a certain amount of small contact with the Uncle but will try not to become upset when he texts me asking about access an will just refer him to my son's SW.

Would still love to hear people's thoughts as it really helps, I know I need perspective!

So the uncle wants to meet up with you so your as can spend time with his half siblings? Sorry I just want to clarify.

The Uncle has 3 kids of his own and wants to meet up with my son so my son can see his cousins (they had met a few times previously)

We met up for an hour last week but my son's SW has advised against it until my son returns home full time as she wants to keep confusion for my son to a minimum.

The Uncle will be contacting me at some point this week so I will be relaying the SW's advice and passing on her number. Hoping the Uncle's reaction will be okay.

I never used to be such a wimp!

Can you get off FB and avoid them all til you have your son home and have sought some treatment for you anxieties? Sounds like you need to concentrate on you and ds at the mo, and forget the rest of them. Sounds unbelievably complicated.

I feel that you should deal with yourself, getting better while maintaining regular contact with your son. You are both the most important people here OP. Get yourself well, get your son back and settled then hopefully you will feel stronger to deal with others, but not until. I would keep them all out surely they understand your current situation. Take advice from your SW, they know what they're talking about.
Sorry I've got nothing more to give you but I wish you good luck in your recovery, take care xxx

Thanks for the advice everyone, very very much appreciated.

I have to have contact with his Dad as we travel to see him together once a week, but other than that, I've been trying for minimal contact with him......unless there's something we need to talk about re; our son.

I am expecting a text from the Uncle at some point, but will explain concisely and politely what SW has said and pass him onto her.

If any of them contact me, with the exception of his Dad, I'll try and keep any replies short and concise.