What would you do?

[jjlovestoshop]

Hi there,

Really interested to see how you would deal with this.

I am in an unusual situation for me. I am British but living in a small expat community. The husband of one of my friends is behaving inappropriately towards me: trying make eye contact across the room, staring at me, coming up and tickling me from behind (on a few occasions). Beyond this, in many family events here, he will give my young son lots of attention, and even tell his own child who is a few years older to be more like my ds.

I try to stay away from him, but he will always find an excuse to come and be near me. In this case, I will try to make an excuse and leave. His wife, I think is aware, and if I am in a situation where I can't get away, it won't be long before she is by his side. I don't blame her.

It's not like at home where we can just not BE in their company. As I said, we are in a small expat community where all our endeavours are interlinked, not just for adults, but for the children as well. I really, really like and respect his wife, and I can't for the life of me understand why he is giving me this attention. I am very happy with my DH, who is handsome and great (imho), but as a whole, I'm not the type of woman who has gotten a lot of male attention. Even though I am confident and outgoing, I find this sort of attention difficult to deal with.

I can't just stay away from the social events that we are all invited to, so my decision is to not get into rhetoric and to stay as far away as possible. What would you do? DH is totally aware of the situation.

JJx

I lived in a small expat community. I was once walking up to a party with my ds when a man who I hadn't met nudged my dh and said "cor look at the tits on her". My dh looked at him a bit confused just as I stepped up and kissed him on the cheek. He shot off quick. BUT at future events he often tried to talk to me when I was on my own too touchy feel etc.

I waited until he did it when I was on my own and gave him the death stare without saying a word. He never did it again

@Pagwatch yes. makes sense. you're a clever lady. I totally didn't think about it this way. I should have changed the title to: WHY DOES HE FANCY ME? AARRGGGHHHH.

@thisthread lol.

Seriously, you need to have a quiet word or give him the death stare. Don't worry about it getting out in the community, he is hardly going to tell anyone as he will look bad.

All you need to say is a short sharp "back off" if you find it difficult, then rush back to the party so he has no time to reply.

thank you. I will try and report back. There will be a few opps over the next few weeks before everyone leaves for the summer so I will try then

Only when you're on your own? "Get your filthy hands off me" in that case, preferably with added menacing growl, would be as far as it goes.

Dp suggests a kneecap to the bollocks as the approprate response, btw...

Can you get DH to drift over to you anytime he sees him looming over you & quietly kiss you. Or put an affectionate arm around you so you can lean in & reciprocate to underline you are a close couple?

Followed by the death stare, & if he persists slap his hand away hard with a loud "what DO you think you are doing? "

Actually, elbow to solar plexus would be easier for an attacker who's behind you.

Purple, you are being worryingly specific

Good luck jj. Let us know how it goes.

lmao. elbows, toes, feet and sharp tongue at the ready ladies. Thank you.

Dp used to teach mixed martial arts and self defence, neither of us is violent!

Unwanted physical contact is assault so a physical reaction is entirely justified to defend yourself from an attacker After all, he snuck up behind you and you don't know what he's going to do next

yeah but i'm in a 'developing country' so i can pretty much do what needs to be done

(although I must say, that I'm probably all talk at this point....)

I'm just helping you justify it to yourself - the biggest thing to overcome is the fear of hurting other people.

He is hurting you. Defending yourself is not wrong or bad :)

I had a colleague like this, it really bothered me so much that one day, at an office party when he had just grabbed me around the waist (again) I said:
"If you don't stop this I will have to report you for sexual harassment!"

Boy, that worked.

Nearby people heard it. Nobody blamed me.

Never came close to me again.

Also had a driving instructor who kept putting his hand on my leg. I told him:
"Please stop touching me"

Asking him a simple question like "why are you touching me?!" or "stop touching me" should really help.

Short and simple.