How bad is this?

[OneSquirtIsNotQuiteEnough]

I am a regular but have name changed for this.

Been separated a while, started seeing someone new, all very, very, very good and lovely etc.

Having sex yesterday (second time), using a condom. I saw the condom in the bathroom bin after he had gone. It had a massive split in it. He didn't tell me.

I was tempted to ring/text him a "wtf????" last night but it was late, I was tired, I wanted to sleep on it.

Would it be best to talk to him face to face about it as I am seeing him on weds? Otherwise he may be able to fob me off with "it split as I removed it" and I wouldn't be able to see his face and gauge his reaction.

Any advice welcome.

I'd go and get the MAP straight away. It could have split as he removed it, it could have happened during. I'd get yourself protected pregnancy-wise and speak to him on Weds.

Sod contacting him... if you're not on the pill/coil, get yourself to a pharmacy for the 'morning after' pill.

This isn't a matter for phone/text/email - wait until you see him again and discuss it face to face.

Could it be possible it split when taking it off?

Perhaps it did split when taking off... I've yet to meet a man who, in those circumstances wouldn't come barging in like "FUCK!!!"

I'm not sure how/when it split, but last time he tied a knot in the used condom before he binned it, this time he didn't bother. So presumably he knew it had split before he put it in the bin.

Your best bet is to get the MAP and then bring it up when you see him next. And perhaps stop seeing him if it did split during sex and didn't tell you. Ugh, men.

I will sort MAP first thing tomorrow.

If he tells me that it split while he was taking it off, and then he didn't mention it, would that be a bad thing? Or should he have told me anyway?

For me personally, as long as it didn't split during, I'd be fine with him saying nothing if it split whilst he was taking off in the bathroom.

If it did split during sex and he didn't tell me, is that unforgivable?
(I think I know the answer but feel gutted because everything else has been fab and I am starting to really fall for him, fuck, fuck, fuckity-fuck )

I agree with cali. If it had split after it wouldn't bother me.

If it had split during I would expect to know. It's bad and unless he doesn't understand the dangers it is something that needs to be discussed. Unforgiveable? I think I could forgive him if I really liked and trusted him but would I be angry and wary? Yes.

If it split during and he didn't say, I would be saying goodbye Tbh. However if it split taking it off I wouldn't be bothered if he didn't tell me. You need to speak to him.

I think it matters very much when it split, but how will you know - i guess if he is easy going about it when you ask, so long as you ask casually or even jokey way then he will be telling the truth, if he gets an arse on about it or is cagey then it is a bit dodgy. I bet it split while taking it off and he probably didn't think to tell you as it really wouldn't matter in those circs.

Any advice on how to ask him about him?

I mean ask him about it?

Just tell him you were emptying the rubbish and noticed it or knocked the rubbish over and had to pick it up and noticed it and ask when it split

Yeah, I wouldn't go in all guns blazing. But either way, get the MAP because men lie.

I'd be jokingly all guns blazing, saying - i was emptying the bin and thought OMFG the condom split - start talking about baby names etc, ask him if he wants a girl or boy, smile and say of course you are just joking because you know it would have split when it come off - and then just ask with a slight "didn't it" if he looks sheepish just say "do i need to get myself sorted with MAP"? but yes, cali is right, men (and women) lie

doggiemumma ha, love it.

Would it be bad to just say, "What happened with the condom on Saturday cos I found it shredded in the bin?"

no, that would be fine - but if he answers that the dog ate it (a la the dog ate my homework) you'll know where you stand

i would say something like 'gosh i'm so fertile i get pg at the drop of the hat. in fact 3 of my 5 kids were conceived as a result of a split condom. that's life for you innit?'

and that would be a deal-breaker for me. but it might have split while he was taking it off. do you give him the benefit of the doubt?

the point is do YOU think he'd do that kind of thing (not tell you that it split during)?

That's the problem, I don't really want to be feeling like I'm giving someone the benefit of the doubt a few weeks in to a new relationship any doubt is bad at this stage.

too right.

i think i would say 'i saw the condom was split when i cleared out the bins, so i've taken the map. just to let you know so you don't worry.'

you're saying it in a non-confrontational, gentle way which would encourage him to say what really happened.

he might then say 'oh thanks for letting me know. i didn't worry you about it because it split when i took it off.'

or

'great, that's a relief then' = wanker.