This is FRUSTRATING me!!! Did a STUPID thing.....

[smileyforest]

Hello all....
Just did a really daft idiotic thing.....rang the exH....why????
Came out of abusive marriage..... happy with NP...dont live together...Suppose feeling a bit sad...missing NP as he is moving so wont see him for a few days.....would have been anniversary tomorrow....(marriage) 17y....
He is dating japanese woman.....had an affair during marriage with one...always been attracted to them
Sooooooooo I just rang and asked ' why didnt you marry a japanese woman in the first place'?
Of course he was abusive...said I was mental and needed counselling...said I was 'baby' talking...started laughing................
STUPID me!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now regret it but clarifies what a horrid person he still is!!!!!!!!!

Live and learn.........daft or what?????????????

Delete his number!!

Yes daft, but never mind. Now just delete his number from your phone.

Am curious as to why he is dating a Japanese woman? Has he fallen for the stereotype that Asian women are subservient and will therefore acquiesce to his every whim?

A different take on situation: I did something similar and contacted an abusive ex-BF a number of years ago, and some very good girlfriends turned it around on me and said "Think of it as re-confirming he is a fuckwit that you should no longer be with!" Helped me enormously.....

I feel your pain - nothing like making a tit of oneself is there?

Live and learn, honey, and I sincerely hope you have learned something from this particular exercise in futility

You won't be tempted to do it again, will you?

No I wont be tempted to phone him again and YES it did reconfirm to me what a 'dickwit' he is!
Likes to feel important and of course Japenese woman treat their men as such.....loves the subservient type.....everything I could never be ......
She is welcome to him and so is Japan :)

SoSad has it bang on there! (both on the Japanese subservient suggestion and also to think of this as extra clarification of fuckwit'ness).

HAHAHA! he might very well regret it if he marries his Japanese girlfriend.

Very often, when they have actually bagged their man, the Japanese WIFE then starts ruling the roost with a rod of iron, she will demand all his paychecks and take control of the household finances, giving him nominal "pocket money".

Serves him right if he thinks he is going to get a subservient little wifey type

I understand that some of you are talking about a myth and a stereotype but I'm not comfortable with the Japanese women generalisations - 'very often when they have actually bagged their man the Japanese wife then starts ruling the roost with an iron rod'

So Japanese women are lurking around unsuspecting men acting subserviently to 'bag' them, then turning into harridans when they get married?!

I have Japanese friends and I think they'd be pretty pissed off to read that.

Well Proud, would you be more comfortable knowing that I am in fact Asian (Chinese by heritage, but born and brought up in Australia), and that I have had men want to date me because they bought into the subservient Asian stereotype? Unfortunately it is a stereotype that does exist, although me and my big mouth are doing everything we can to dispel it.

Not only am I Australian Born Chinese, but I lived in Japan for a while. I am glad that you have Japanese friends who are more assertive, as I felt very much like a 3rd class citizen when I lived in Japan - Asian, but not Japanese, didn't speak the language much either, although I understood a great deal, and very much expected to be second to any man in existence there. I did observe many subservient females while I was there, and I hope this has changed greatly considering I was there in the late 90's. Also many Japanese who live in other countries are not typical of the Japanese in Japan - they often leave to escape the constricting and strait-jacketed life that their culture demands.

I'm sorry that you are offended by what has been written, but the intent has been to support smiley, so perhaps it would might be best if we stuck to that, eh?

Proud, its part of the culture here that wives have almost 100% control of household finances. They expect their husbands to hand over their wages and they will then give out a nominal amount to them for lunches etc.

I was just trying to illustrate that the image of Japanese women being subservient is not always true, so the OPs ex-H may be in for a shock

Absolutely TanteRose. Another 'stereotype' that Western men used to talk about when I was in Japan was how Japanese women had a different BF for each aspect of their life - one BF to take them shopping, another BF to take them skiing, and a different BF for the horizontal mambo! Wish I'd known about that stereotype when I was younger...

So yes, all we are trying to say is that if smiley's exH thinks he is is getting a a wilting Asian rose, he may not know what he is getting into..... . Karma, dontcha think?

exactly SoSad

big time karma

Awww thanks....but didnt mean to cause any offence....
I had a good friend who was Japanese and we met through our boys being the same age.....unfortunately she was the one to have an affair with my exH....it devastated me....I knew then that he always loved Japanese...but never thought that would happen as I trust everyone.....Boys were 3y and 5y at the time....just wish I had had the guts then to get out....took another 11y......