Practical advice needed now.

[lowestpriority]

Well, I have tried, really tried to save this marriage. Unfortunately I seem to be the only person actually making an effort. We had a long talk, both put our gripes in, both agreed that things had to change. I kept my side of the bargain, but DH has not even made a half hearted attempt.
Now I need practical advice. I need to find somewhere for me and DCs to live. Social housing is out as I am not being threatened with violence or homelessness. Private landlords want a deposit and a month in advance. That might be hard but is do able.
My real problem is references. I am not working atm and tbh have an atrocious credit rating. So where do I get references from?
Really need help with this as cannot stand much longer living with a selfish, lazy arse.

I dont have any knowledge in this area, but you could try Shelter for housing advice.

good luck OP.

See a solicitor or CAB first. As a wife with children, you have certain rights & protections over shared property and finances so don't think you have to be the one moving out and uprooting the DCs necessarily. There is also quite a lot of state help you can draw on. Try not to panic. Understand what you're entitled to by getting the information and then work with that. Good luck.

I have seen a solicitor. His advice was to stay in the house, sleep in the DCs room and claim benefits. Ludicrous.
CAB have just told me to ask a family member to act as a garauntaur. I am 45 FGS, I can't exactly ask my pensioner mum to do it.
I can't afford to stay in the home if DH agreed to move out, which he won't. And I don't really want to stay here as it's too expensive and too big for our needs. Plus, we really need to move somewhere closer to DS's school as I won't be able to keep the car (DH's).

I think you should listen to your solicitor's advice, get the wheels in motion for a divorce and then put the place on the market. You both agree that the relationship is beyond repair but somehow you and your husband have to find a way to mange things civilly sharing the place so that your children aren't consigned to temporary accommodation. Do you think you can do that?

As you have the needs of your dc to consider, the practical way forward would be for your h to leave the marital home.

As advised by Cogito, seek legal advice from a solicitor who specialises in family law and who offers a free half an hour initial consultation.

If you can't solicit personal recommendations from friends/family, post on the legal board or visit www.womensaid.org.uk to find your nearest branch and ask them to recommend family lawyers near you. l

Cross post due to my slow typing.

Again, as advised by Cogito, get back to your solicitor and get the wheels of the bus to the divorce courts in motion as this will facilitate the mediation process, at which time you and your h will be required to calmly discuss division of the marital assets, sale of the marital home, and child support.

Take heart - where there's a will, there's a way to resolve even situations that appear to be conflicted by Catch 22 scenarious.