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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

once a cheat always a cheat ???

29 replies

cakesaway · 08/06/2012 21:55

I posted here 18 months ago when I found out DH had been unfaithful. Mumsnet helped me massively and we decided to give the relationship another go . Since then I got very ill (stress related ) and he had a nervous breakdown. It took months till we felt 'normal' again and recently things have been better until I found flirtatious emails to a younger work colleague which were obviously encouraged by him. When I challenged him I was made to feel as though I was crazy and started to question my own sanity. Is this acceptable behaviour or not ? I just don't know anymore... perhaps I am overreacting or maybe he is very emotionally naiive. Whatever I find it insulting and deeply hurtful and have told him so. I'm panicing inside wondering if I should just leave and if I can ever trust him again.

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 09/06/2012 09:32

I'm horrified and so so sad that you are questioning yourself.

You have been through hell and back because of this heartless, selfish shit.

Of course this isn't acceptable. Of course not!!!!

He will never change, he will never stop doing what he wants, he has no respect for you and he doesn't love you.

Sad

x

Rikalaily · 09/06/2012 09:55

Breaking up a family isn't always a bad thing and more often than not it's how the break up is managed that affects the kids in a bad way.

My mum and dad split when I was 5 (I was the middle child of 5), it was the best thing that my mum could have done for us and I still believe to this day that she was stupid for staying with him for 14 years 'to not break the family up'.

Your kids won't be happy anyway with a depressed mum who is walked all over by thier father. He will cheat again and all that heartache you went through will happen again, and again your kids will be affected by the atmosphere in the house, you being broken hearted etc.

He doesn't regret his actions at all, if he did he wouldn't try to twist it round and lie, making you doubt yourself and feel crazy. He's a cruel, manipulative liar and he's done it again because he wasn't sorry about last time. How can you contemplate staying with a man who has put his ego/sexual needs above you and your children? Because that's what he has done and don't think for a second that you and the kids mean the same to him as he means to you, actions speak louder than words.

If you want what is best for your kids, leave now and start to rebuild them a stable life while they are young. Honestly, mum and dad splitting up is not the end of thier world. Please choose to give yourself and your children more than what you have now. When someone loves and respects you they don't treat you like this and if you stick around for more that is what you will get, more lies, more deceit, more heartache and pain.

bogeyface · 09/06/2012 10:01

Your husband has already broken the family up, so that isnt an issue now. All that you have to decide is where you are living, either with a cheating lying piece of shit or on your own with your children.

Check out the "cheaters script" thread, it includes them making you out to be mad or paranoid and slagging you off to others (and himself) to imply that any cheating he does would be justified.

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