Worst fear what if mil wants to re-establish contact....

[mum2sam]

If you have read my previous threads then you will know my situation with my mil. Heres a quick low down basically my mil is a jealous, manipulating, control freak. She has caused endless problems for me and dh. We have tried to maintain a civil relationship purely out of of duty as she is dh mum and ds gm. Anyhow basically she has decided to cut the ties because dh and I are buying a house which just happens to be close to my mum. Mil is obviously jealous as she is threatened by other women.Her direct words were that she is cutting the ties with dh and ds, I didnt even get a mention! The thing is I think she may be trying to call our bluff thinking that we would back down but we are not and are still going ahead. Fil is trying to get dh to sort it out by putting us off the house as mil is too proud to back down.

Basically she has done us a big favour as the rest of the family now see her as being the irrational one and we no longer have that pressure of her inferring and causing problems. I know she will never ever change she will never see that she is in the wrong and will always try and play the victim.

But what happens if she changes her mind how should we play it. I have said to dh I never want anything to do with her again but at the same time i dont want to come off as the irrational one. Plus we live in a small town and are bound to bump into her should I walk on by, be civil etc and what happens if ds is with me (he 16mths) and she tries to approach him.Remember she has tried to dictate where we live and has said she is also cutting ties with ds too. I do not what to go back to the way it was before with her inferring and emotionally manipulationg dh and me.

if you do see her and she comes up to you I would just say that until she can apologise for what she said (ie - cutting dh/ds out of her life) then you think its best not to speak. That way, your not being nasty, simply putting the ball firmly in her court. As you say, she won't back down so that should be her away form you for good

I really wouldn't spend time stressing over what happens if she tries to get back in touch. You have got the best situation now where you have no contact through her actions. Just try to enjoy not having to deal with her manipulative behaviour otherwise she might as well be camping out on your doorstep because you'll be just as stressed.

If you do see her, say hello and walk on. If she tries to initiate more conversation, just say that, due to her actions and decision, you feel it best not to speak until she has apologised to your dh.

She probably is too proud and would rather lose her son and grandson then to admit she is wrong. She will prob get fil to try and act as go between to get us to make the first move. I honestly think she needs counselling and i dont think she will change unless she realises how screwed up she is.Does anyone know what rights she has to see ds I wouldnt deny her access but I dont want her to use him to get to us iykwim. Plus the fact that she has said that she will cut ties with ds even though the problem lies with us is hurtful. Especially as most of the the issues with us is about not seeing enough of him or that my parents have preferential treatment which is all a load of rubbish.

Although the fact that she has said she is cutting ties with ds does make my life easier as i dont have to have anything to do with her on a positive note i suppose.