accusations of an affair

[meaty]

Sorry its a little odd this one.

if your DP keeps accusing you of having an affair ,when it is obvious you aren't, does anyone think that infact they are trying to you that they are having one?

From alot of the threads it seems to start with one partner telling the other all their bad points and reasons why they are without doubt the worst person on this planet. Maybe im a little paranoid maybe im right im sure there are others who will know better.

projection is certainly very common when one partner is doing something dodgy

when you read a lot of threads made by people who have been cheated upon there does seem to be a common theme of unfounded accusations made in the opposite direction

Insecurity.

He will be come a needy control freak, charting your every move, leafing through your FB, emails, mobile phone - red flags flying high. Bail out while you can

Alternatively, unfounded accusations are often the way in which jealous and possessive individuals seek to control and inhibit the movements of their alleged 'loved' ones.

seems very odd and destructive behaviour and drains the fun out of life. Still if I ever get to the bottom of it least I will know for sure.

Its common but not always true. Look at the threads on here, many women suspected their dh of having affairs but are not having themselves.

"Attack is the best form of defence." I don't think it necessarily means they are having an affair (although I know someone who did precisely what you describe) but it's not acceptable to hurl accusations and keep someone on the back foot. Maybe they're hiding something, a controlling bully or the jealous possessive type. All intolerable in a 'D'P....

My EH used to do this and his accusations were hurtful and untrue. I don't think he ever strayed during our marriage but I did discover fairly recently that he had a fling with an old friend BEFORE we were married.

In Meaty's case, perhaps OH is trying to give himself a reason to have an affair himself?

if the "fu is being drained out of your life" my recommendation would be to not stick around to "get to the bottom of it"

give it up as a bad job

fun

Agree with AF. If this is your DP then don't let their insecurities, suspicion and possessive nature drag you down. Life's too short to spend it with someone that doesn't trust you.

Maybe it is just controlling behaviour as I tend to rarely go out with friends normally about once every 6 months. The last time I popped out it DP got all sulky as I was going for a drink with a friend and would be back in 2 hours. DP go on work dos overnight stays etc etc. DP has checked my phone, email etc but I never lock them and there is no password they can check it all they want. I never check theirs as I really am not that interested for some reason.

thank you for all your replies. From what you have pointed out to me it looks like it is just insecurity, possessive and controlling behaviour. I will chat with them if it comes to nothing then I am going to take the advice on here and call it a day. You are right life is too short and you do need some fun :)

Sounds like insecurity and controlling.

just insecurity, possessiveness and controlling ?

there is no just about it, love

it is a massive waving red flag

whether you intend to listen to what his actions are telling you is up to you, but the chances are this will not end well

if you think you can "manage" it by walking on eggshells, giving up all your privacy and "not going out much anyway", you are going to learn some very harsh lessons in the next few weeks/months/years

all while he escalates his control when he sees it working

are you feeling reassured by the fact this thread has confirmed that he isn't necessarily having an affair himself ?

don't be

AF I am not reassured I just know that as I move on I will be MORE able to spot any potential NEW partners behaviour and when those flags are waving I will also be waving goodbye.

XH was always going on about me having affairs, planning to have affairs or wanting to plan to... As far as I know he wasn't having one himself, think it was the putting me on the back foot thing, but he might have been genuinely paranoid.

that's good, meaty

Please don't be reassured. Controlling behaviour is not something to be grateful for.

I dated an insecure girl. Her jealousy and control of me was something I'm only coming to terms with now I'm out of the relationship- it was very subtle. "you can be friends with other girls", then "why did she hug you?" or "what did you talk about? then what? Then what? Then what? What do you mean, 'I can't remember?' "- it was easier not to bother.

Entertainingly, she was the one that cheated on me.

I was at a friends house recently, me and another guy, and two girls (platonic friends). The other guy left due to a headache, leaving me alone with 2 girls. I almost made an excuse to leave as well, before realising that I wouldn't have to precisely detail exactly what happened after the other guy left to someone who would only ever see negativity.

Life's too short :)